1. Well, I’m about to watch a whole lot of very attractive women strut down a runway half naked, while I sit on my couch eating Cheetos and drinking cheap wine…
2. Why won’t my body ever look like that?
3. This is like, the Olympics of lingerie.
4. Maybe I’ll make it to Paris one day…
5. I wonder how many crunches it would take for my stomach to look like that.
6. OMG, please Lady Gaga, don’t fall down… Who picked out those shoes?!
7. Awww, Gigi and Bella get to be the first sisters to walk in this show together… I wish my sister and I were that hot.
8. Kendall, thank you for leaving your body as it is. You are beautiful. You rock.
9. The Weeknd looks a lot better with his new hairdo.
10. Bella and The Weeknd are everything… When will my boyfriend serenade me while I’m mostly naked and walking down the runway?
11. Do you think the models’ dads watch this show?
12. Why is Lady Gaga squatting? Awkward.
13. Can I use Bruno’s coat as a blanket?
14. Why is Bruno wearing man heels? Can he not? Stop. Please.
15. Being a Victoria’s Secret model is like being in the hottest sorority ever. They just get wings instead of letters.
16. My life goal is to be Adriana Lima. When will everyone want to be me like top models want to be her?
17. But like, how do they not have any wardrobe malfunctions? Is there special ‘down south’ tape?
18. Nice push up bra, girl. You’re not fooling anyone.
19. I wonder how much effort it would take to build my own wings…
20. Well, I’m just going to finish these Cheetos now…