First question: Why must we be attracted to the taken ones? Second question: How is it that this becomes a consistent thing?
I’ve gotten played, hurt and rejected in each of these occasions and it has never worked out for me. I don’t intend to be the home wrecker and it doesn’t serve me any good to put myself in harmful positions. In fact, it’s masochistic and it’s not fair to myself or anyone else in the situation. And yet, that is not enough of a hindrance to make me stop going after the ones who are either no good for me or obviously unavailable. And I’m sure I’m not the only one.
It’s hard enough finding a guy out there in a world that isn’t really in your favor romantically, but even worse once you find someone with whom you think you might even have a remote connection – turns out they’re taken. Whoops.
1. Commitment – They know how to commit. Finding someone who fits your standards is rough but finding that person who is willing to settle down amidst his “prime time” is even rougher, so seeing that someone is willing to commit himself and choose one specific human being above the rest is such an attractive quality.
2. Confidence – They just give off more confident, secure vibes. I don’t know if any of you have seen one of the most recent episodes of New Girl where Winston is seemingly hit on by every woman who enters the bar even though he is taken, but that scene just spoke volumes to me.
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3. The Chase – Maybe it is the thrill of the chase, the satisfaction of achieving what was thought to be impossible, but then reality hits.
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4. Standards – They are the only ones who’ve seemed to meet your imposible standards, proving that your Prince Charming exists. Problem is they also checked off everything on someone else’s list, just going to show that these taken individuals are only so appealing in the imagination. The only reason why they aren’t yours is because they’ve actually sparked a connection with another, while the connection between the two of you is one sided and partially exists due to the allure of doing something you shouldn’t. (Sometimes a little naughty has more appeal than nice during the holiday season)
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5. It’s Painless – You know you can’t get hurt since you can’t have them anyway. Thus, maintaining the aforementioned appeal of the fantasy at work. You can’t get hurt by someone you can’t have, making you want them even more despite the fact you will be hurting yourself in the process while your potential significant other continues on in ignorant bliss.
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6. Falsely Perceived Happiness – The fact they can make someone else so happy leads us to falsely believe that he could make us happy too. Specifically, him (haven’t you heard the phrase “all the good ones are taken”)
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7. They’re Photogenic – Somehow they’re just more photogenic. Maybe it’s because they clean up nicer when they’re with someone or they aren’t oozing with player vibes across the screen, but somehow they often seem to look better in photos even though those photos also include their lovely girlfriend.
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However, a point of similarity between all of these is that they involve a person’s relationship with another person upon which you base all your ideas. It doesn’t really have much to do with you. So, it’s not worth it to try to beat yourself up for falling Eventually you know what’s right and wrong (and so do your friends since they will not hesitate to point out you have a problem). And as much as you think that one person will make you feel better or complete and he is just the only one who can because no one else seems to have made you feel any different, that doesn’t change the fact that he is taken. Which just means he wasn’t the one for you any way and even if he was, then maybe your paths will end up crossing again within the next 10 years or so, but that doesn’t mean that you should just be waiting in the wings until he finally realizes that you’re the one. This isn’t the twilight saga and you aren’t Jacob waiting for your Bella to realize that you’re the one for her.
This is real life and this is your life where you are a strong, independent, intelligent woman who is worth being able to have some semblance of control of your love life and leaving it in the hands of some handsome stranger won’t do you any good. All you’ll be doing is waiting and waiting and waiting again. For crying out loud, you’ll probably end up having better chances leaving the mall on Black Friday than waiting for that special (taken) someone to break up with his girlfriend so that you two can live your happily ever after. Nevertheless, the bottom line states that girl code supersedes all (as unfortunate as that may be at times) and you are worth more than someone’s second chance anyway.