As a sophomore, I hated reading these articles. It was always some super successful girl bemoaning the multiple steps and choices she could make. It seemed like the seniors at Notre Dame simply could not fail. At least not when it came to academics. Sure I had seen relationships end, and the occasional drunken nights that occurred as the college limits changed to a much more realistic level.
The truth is that senior year is terrifying, and those stupid normal things are a lot scarier when they are affecting you. I never fully realized how much from the outside looking in Notre Dame seniors in particular seem like they have life all figured out. From flying across the country for interviews to taking years off for service or to save a little money for future education, everything seems so rosy. The leaps of faith seem so much more like steps and natural measures. What’s that phrase: when you look back, hindsight is always 20/20?
As a social work minor, I know that the dramatic shift I feel happening around me is not only very real but actually more transformative than we give it credit for. According to person-in-environment theory, the person is significantly affected by the environment they find themselves in. The reason this is so stressful for seniors is that their environment is about to change. Even for those who are remaining in school, even for those who are remaining at Notre Dame, the way they will relate to their school is significantly different than what they live in now.
Unfortunately this forthcoming change in environment makes the ground seem unstable. For some this is where they excel, the Rory Gilmores of the world who are able to take adversity and the unknown and make it work for them. For the rest of us, and notably without spoiling the series even for Rory herself, these times are not just stressful but seem somehow defining. It is easy for every decision to be magnified and the consequences seem to be more life or death. Losses feel like doors permanently closed and gains like signs from God. Which is great, until you begin to stop moving, you become paralyzed to act.
Here relationships are key. It’s true, these are also a significant point of stress. Many a romantic relationship finds its bittersweet end on graduation day because of the hassles of not just long distance but “adultness” too. I used to hate Walter for breaking up with Elle right before going to law school in Legally Blonde. I mean, you’re supposed to. However, while he does it for all the wrong reasons and is genuinely a terrible person about it, the question whether or not the relationship is genuine is a real one. Especially at Notre Dame, where many students will get those infamous ring-by-springs, the idea of staying in a relationship raises questions of longevity, stability, and practicality. In other words you begin to wonder if you’re in an adult relationship or if you’re even ready for one. The relationships that are key can be romantic relationships but often they’re more familial relationships. To clarify, familial relationships are not limited to family alone, they include friends that have proven themselves time and time again.
For me I have been blessed with a series of these incredibly strong relationships that come as close to unconditional love as humanly possible. It’s true I might smell bad, be cranky, be whiny, be needy but ultimately I know my family and select friends will love me no matter what. These are the people that help you get out of bed when you don’t want to go to school because your paper isn’t done and you know your professor probably hates you. These are the people that make you go to dinner with them, just so you can both take a step away from the stresses of the year and just be your goofy selves. These are the people that get you to have a beer with them and discuss your life problems so you know you are worth listening to. But mostly these are the beautiful, absolutely wonderful people who are in your corner no matter what and who believe you are capable of anything. They’ve seen you fall, they’ve seen you embarrass yourself, and true there were days that they genuinely wanted to shake you for being a worrywort. Yet they’ve stood by you and day in and day out they have reminded you that you’re not just you, but you’re worthy of love and success. More importantly they’ve told you so over and over. Their faith in you is unshakeable.
And when the world seems to be turning over and over, when you feel like you’re pulling at strings and faking it unsure if you’ll actually make it, that unshakeable-ness is a literal God-send. Advice St. Francis de Sales, had a long time ago.
“Do not forestall the accidents of this life by worrying about them beforehand but forestall them by perfect hope that as and when they are actually upon you, God to whom you belong, will save you. He has watched over you till now; all you have to do is to keep a tight hold on the hand of Providence and God will help you in all that happens and where you cannot walk he will carry you in his arms. What need you fear, my very dear daughter, since you belong to God who has told us so firmly that ‘to them that love God all things work together unto good’. Do not think about what is going to happen tomorrow, for the same eternal Father who is watching over you today will watch over you tomorrow and always: and either he will not send you misfortune, or if he does, he will give you unfailing courage to bear it.”
~ St. Francis de Sales
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