I’ve heard countless heartbreak stories. I’ve spent the night consoling girl friends whose hearts had been broken by someone they loved. It seems like most of the heartbreak stories I’ve read about or heard have come from the female’s perspective. It is possible that girls are just more openly expressive about their feelings. Yet this got me wondering. What about all the males out there who have experienced heartbreak?
I decided to investigate. I interviewed my friend Matt, a twenty-one-year-old Concordia student. He shared with me his experiences with his break-ups and gave me an understanding of heartbreak from the other side of the relationship – the guy’s perspective.
“When the relationship [between] my first girlfriend and I initially ended, she never really said it was over for good. She said, “We need a break. I don’t know what will happen.” That day, I left heartbroken. A few weeks later, she texted me asking if I missed her. I said, “Of course I miss you.” She asked me if I loved her, and I told her that I would always love her. We were still talking because we both still had feelings for each other— or so I thought at the time. Then one night, after a party that I couldn’t go to, I was texting her to see how it went. She told me she made out with a guy. And then few weeks later, I found out that the guy turned out to be one of my friends.
Eventually, she started dating that friend. I felt broken. Within the next month, I lost 30 pounds. I had to [start taking] sleeping pills because I was getting about two hours of sleep a night. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything. My grades started slipping, and I stopped going to school for a while.
I tried going back to treating her as a friend but it didn’t work. We were all in the same friend group, and I felt so ostracized. I wasn’t invited to things anymore, and I felt like a pariah. In one short period, I lost my girlfriend and all of my childhood friends.
A year after the break up, I finally found myself a new group of friends, thanks to a new girl I met in college. That girl was basically my best friend for two more years. It started off as completely platonic but eventually something shifted and I started developing feelings for her. Because of the last break up, I didn’t have enough confidence to go after her. I waited without saying anything, and I think eventually she started warming up to the idea of dating me. I felt that it wasn’t just me chasing her but that she might have feelings for me as well. So I felt like it was safe to let my guard down and to date her. I was a lot more cautious because of what I learned in my first relationship… I assured myself that I was doing everything right. Even still, after five months, she left me for someone we both knew, and with no real explanation as to why the relationship had to end.
When two girls that you give your all to both leave you, and don’t even give you any negative feedback about the relationship, you start to feel that your best still isn’t good enough for anyone. I felt like no girl wanted to commit to me at that point. I felt so betrayed. After both break-ups, I was lonely and depressed. It made me feel worthless and discouraged about my future relationships.
Yet despite all that happened and all of the despair from my break ups, I’d like to think that it turned out for the best. Those discouraging feelings of thinking [I wasn’t] good enough made me seek out different adventures and opportunities that have made me happier. I’ve taken two incredible trips to South America, which have led me to discover my career path and what I want to do in life. I met my current group of friends [in] situations and events that I never would have had the chance to go [be in] before. I find myself growing and continuously discovering who I want to be as a person and my purpose in life, more each day.
Although the intensity of those heartbreaks was excruciatingly painful at the time, I like to think of the classic phrase: It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And in all, I’m thankful for where my life is taking me now.”
– Matt, 21, Concordia student