Ah, college. The one place where it’s common practice to lock yourself in your room and have a 5-hour Netflix binge when you have three exams, a paper, and a group project due all in the same week. It’s time to shed some light on the people, like me, who put off their responsibilities in the best way possible. We put the “pro” in “procrastinator.”
1. We’re not lazy (maybe a little), we just have unique priorities.
Don’t ask me why it was necessary to go on a stress-induced 2006-era Fergie marathon at 2 in the morning, when I should have been preparing for a Chemistry quiz. It just was, okay?
2. Due tomorrow? Do tomorrow.
Let’s be realists here. College professors don’t care about the billions of extra-curriculars and responsibilities you have going on outside of class. They have their own lives to cater to. This isn’t high school, so university-level teachers expect you to come to class with all assigned work fully completed on time. That being said, why would I get a head start on the homework that isn’t due until Friday, when I need to work on my homework that is due in about 30 seconds? There is only so much time in a day for me to get everything done AND find time to care for myself.
3. We are BEASTS when it comes to actually getting stuff done in a panic
We may not be the best at effective time management skills, but our production levels under pressure skyrocket. The anxiety of wondering if we’ll make the due date sends our brain into maximum overdrive, and we transform into geniuses that can take down all the forces of evil. Those forces of evil being school assignments. Not to brag, but I am definitely the ultimate grand master of accomplishing what I need to get done in a short amount of time. 7-page paper due tomorrow morning? I’ll get it done within a few hours the night before and still get an A. I’m sure most highly-trained procrastinators can agree.
4. We never learn from our mistakes
Sometimes three times is just not the charm. As chronic procrastinators, we can get ahead of ourselves and become a little too over-confident about our abilities. One good grade on a quiz that we studied for at the last-minute, leads us to incorrectly assume that we will always be so fortunate. Some things are just not healthy, or even humanly possible, to try to accomplish in a short amount of time. I would not suggest locking yourself in a library for 16 hours to embark on a Redbull and shame-fueled cramming session for the final exam that’s tomorrow. That kind of torture and pure human suffering changes you as a person and leaves you forever soul-less and permanently dead inside. However, as a procrastinator, you can bet I’m going to probably use the same study method once finals roll around this year. Hooray.
5. At the end of the day, we’re ultimately the most fun people to be around
The truth is, we’ve all been working hard enough just trying to survive Purdue and college life itself. As ironic as it would seem, procrastinators like to live a life that is stress-free and positive. You want to get together to study? Oh, sweetie, no. Let’s make dumb, silly videos together and then go get Taco Bell instead.
And always remember, pressure makes diamonds, baby.