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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Fordham chapter.

(Disclaimer: this piece in no way blames UPenn for Trump’s actions, this is a satirical piece.)​

As many Americans know, Donald Trump boasts about how high is I.Q. is and how he was among the best at the Wharton School at UPenn. Let us not forget, however, that from 1964 to 1966, Trump was indeed a Ram. He was in attendance on the Rose Hill campus for two whole years before he transferred. What would the world be like if Donald J. Trump stayed and graduated from Fordham University? 

  1. He would have gone forth and set the world on fire (in a good way). 
  2. He would have gained a world class business education and perhaps figured out how to do taxes.
  3. He would have learned that women are actually people, too. They aren’t just something that come with a “card” to use in conversation or debate to spice things up. 
  4. He would have gained a sense of acceptance among such a diverse community and wouldn’t point fingers at people who look different than he does. 
  5. He would use his “millions and millions” of dollars to bring thousands of love pies from Pugsley’s to alumni events. 
  6. He would have donated some of the $14,000,000 loan from his father to countries facing poverty and war and not make them feel weird about wanting to move to safer places. 
  7. He would give a master class in Hughes for poor citizens and the homeless instead of calling them “morons.” 
  8. He would donate some of the money he earned and did not steal from his charitable foundation to give to the financial aid office. 
  9. He would be a theology minor and would learn from the Jesuits to accept and gain understanding of other religions and never suggest shutting down mosques in the future. 
  10. He would take an elective anatomy course and learn about the female reproductive system so that he wouldn’t have to fumble with terminology such as “blood coming out of her whatever” on live television.
  11. He would continue his outstanding squash and bowling career and his locker room talk would consist of strikes and other vegetables. 
  12. He would think that putting Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill would be a progressive and inspiring idea and never think it was done simply for the sake of political correctness. 
  13. Melania never would have plagiarized Michelle Obama’s speech because he would have passed on the values of Fordham’s Academic Integrity Policies to everyone he came in contact with. 
  14. The only wall he would be building would be made out of Legos when playing with his kids because he would realize that parenting is not just a woman’s job.
  15. He would actually have respect for others and look out for everyone’s best interests, because that’s what Rams do. 

 

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Lauren is a senior at Fordham University pursuing a degree in Journalism and Political Science. With a career goal of being a broadcast journalist, she is spending time interning at networks such as NBC and FOX. Hobbies include writing for Her Campus and singing in Fordham's all-female a cappella group, the Satin Dolls, as well as drinking too much coffee, listening to far too many boy bands, and watching Buzzfeed Tasty videos one after another. 
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