I’ve had a stutter for as long as I can remember. It haunts me every day, so I’m very jealous of all of you and how simple it is for you to talk so easily! Do not take it for granted. I’m sure most everyone is aware of what a stutter is, but in case there are those that don’t know, to stutter means “to speak in such a way that the rhythm is interrupted by repetitions, blocks or spasms, or prolongations of sounds or syllables.” My stutter isn’t nearly as bad as some out there, so I consider myself lucky in the stutter department; people can’t even tell that I have one at times. However, it’s always there, lurking and waiting to pop up at the most inopportune times.
I’m socially awkward as it is, so having another barrier between communicating with people adds the cherry on top. As fate would have it, my own name is one of the most difficult things for me to say. Having to introduce myself as A-A-A-Anne gets quite old and is extremely infuriating (giving my name at Starbucks is a task, let me tell you). I can’t count how many puzzled looks I’ve gotten from people that are no doubt wondering if I know what my own name is.
Then, when I eventually do get my name out and feel relieved, they didn’t understand me and ask me to repeat myself.
The sensation of stuttering is best described as an invisible force that physically stops you from saying what you want to say. The harder I try to say a word that’s giving me pause, the harder it becomes to pronounce. It’s a perturbing sensation, trying with all my might to do one simple thing and not being able to do it. I can tell people wonder why I can’t just SAY IT! It can’t possibly be that hard, right? Well, I’m right there with you, buddy. I’m not a scientist and don’t know why I can’t talk right, all I know is I just can’t (or rather, I can, but it might take a few blinks).
I’ve grown up with people constantly mimicking me and giggling whenever I spend too much time on a word. Almost all of the teasing was playful and not malicious, so it never got to the point of offending me, but it still would have been nice if people could have just put it behind them. I get it, I don’t talk right, can we move on? The lesson here is that if someone is different than you, don’t point out the obvious. Differences should be celebrated and not laughed at. Everybody is weird and has their own quirks, and my stutter happens to be one of mine. It’s a part of me, and I try to own it with everything I am, as should you with your quirks. That being said, those confused stares I get when I stutter still make me want to raise my eyebrow and say, “make me repeat myself, I dare you.”