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Ah, the joy of roommates. We’ll all have at least one throughout the course of our young adult lives. They can be your best friend or your worst enemy, but either way, living with someone else can be tough. Drawing from both The Roommate Book by Becky Simpson and my own personal experience, I’ve included in this article the most important pieces of information to make the best of living with someone new.
Finding Your Person
Your roommate will see you in your most intimate and vulnerable states. You’ll probably share everything from a shower to shoes. Whether you like it or not, you’re going to get to know your roommate pretty well, so you might as well spend some quality time making sure you’re actually compatible. If you’re planning on rooming with someone you’ve never met, go beyond sending Facebook messages back and forth. Even if you’re feeling just the slightest of doubts, ask them to meet up in person and conduct your own mini-interview before committing to anything. It might sound a little intense right now, but you’ll thank yourself later.
And if you’re thinking about living with someone you’ve been friends with forever, really sit down with yourself and think about what kind of roommate they would be. Maybe they have been your soulmate since preschool, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re your perfect match as a roommate. However, don’t let other people make your decisions for you. When my best friend from high school and I decided to live in the dorms together our freshman year, many people tried to convince us that it’s a terrible idea to live with someone you already know so well. But, we went with our gut feelings anyway and it was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.
Whoever you end up with, whether it’s an old friend or a new face, it’s important that you be comfortable around them. Living in a constant state of anxiety that your roommate is going to steal your money or disrespect your boundaries is no way to spend your years as a young adult. Take the time to find a good roommate, and you’ll have some of the best times of your life.
The Many Personalities of a Roommate
While it’s important to take the time to find someone you’re compatible with, don’t necessarily expect to be best friends with your roommate. Roommates come in a multitude of personalities. One of your roommates might be ready to party every day of the week, one may prefer to keep to herself within the boundaries of her own bedroom and one might self-proclaim as the alpha dog. When figuring out your roommate’s quirks, be real about your own as well! If you have a tendency to stay up until 3 a.m. or you know that a dirty bowl in the sink will drive you insane, it’s important to let your roommate know ahead of time to avoid conflict later on.
Some roommates seem to never leave the couch. Others, you might only see once a week. It’s important to realize that we’re all busy people, with different things going on in our lives. Though living with roommates might sound like one giant, continuous slumber party (and sometimes it really is that fun) people have different personalities and it’s important to respect their space.
Talking Money (and all that other boring adult stuff)
When transitioning from living with your parents to your own space, the real world really seems to kick in. All of a sudden, you go from having your biggest expense being going to the movies with your friends to now having to budget for rent and toilet paper. However you work out paying your bills, it’s important to talk about money up front. From the very beginning, share with each other how you’re intending to pay for your bills, who’s going to pay what utilities, etc. Hold each other accountable for keeping up with payments, and if someone slips behind respectfully remind them that you’re all in this together.
It can be uncomfortable talking about money with your roommates, especially if one of you has a tighter budget than the other. The biggest thing is to be open and honest with yourself and your roommate. If you really can’t afford to go out on another Thursday night with them, or you feel like you need to have a conversation with your roomie about their electricity usage, communicate this as soon as it comes up.
Keeping the Peace
It doesn’t matter if you’re living with your soulmate or a stranger, there will be conflicts that come up. When living with another person, you’ll find that you need to compromise… a LOT. One of the biggest pieces of advice to keep confrontations to a minimum is to be honest and clear with eachother from day one. When my roommate and I moved into our freshman dorm room, one of the best things our community advisor had do was sit us down together in the first few weeks of school to come up with a set of guidelines and rules for our living space. These “rules” don’t have to be enforced with an iron fist, but it’s great to have a base for when you do need to have potentially uncomfortable conversations with your roommate. Things to include in your sort of roommate “contract” are who will do what chores, your policies on having guests over, quiet hours, etc.
When conflict does come up, it’s important that you address it calmly and rationally. Instead of leaving passive aggressive sticky notes all over the kitchen, talk to your roommate and tell them, “Hey, I would really appreciate it if you could clean up the kitchen today.” More often than not, your roommate will gladly accommodate your requests. Keep in mind that “Golden Rule” that we learned in elementary school. Remember the whole “Treat others the way that you want to be treated”? Well, it’s still relevant… especially with roommates.
A Fresh Start
Some roommates become lifelong friends and some are lessons learned. Whichever way it goes, living with other people is so extremely valuable because of the connections you make with others and what you learn about yourself along the way. Treat your roommate experience as an opportunity for a fresh start and keep a positive attitude. Getting a new roommate or living with a friend for the first time can be such an exciting adventure and a time for you to start new traditions and chapters in your lives together. Be open to change, treat your roomies with respect and take it upon yourself to make your living situation a great one.
Pick up your copy of The Roommate Book today on Amazon or at your local bookstore!