“Arrivederci e grazie” translated from Italian is simply “Bye and thanks,” which is the last thing my mother texted me before she boarded a flight for Guam…Yeah, Guam.
I could write a book on how annoying and hurtful it is to have family members who just don’t care about me, but I’ve saved you the walk to the book store. The truth is, I don’t even think I’d really spend too long on the subject because my parents are two people who don’t deserve the time it takes to write a book. So, with that said, here are a few ways I’m getting through University without the two people who brought me into the world.
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I had to come to this really awkward and confusing conclusion that this wasn’t my fault. That addictions and mental health issues were something my parents would need to receive help with on their own.
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I actually got a tattoo (I have quite a few) this one in particular was for my parents. “Senza Te” which is Italian for “without you.” I thought about it for some time and figured it was time to really show my appreciation of their absence. I’m grateful when I look at my tattoo.
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When I’m sad I try as hard as I can to feel sad. When I feel an emotion, I need to actually feel it. The key is to time it. I know myself better than anyone. I know how much time I need. If I need 30 minutes, an hour, or an evening, I take it. I feel sadness. However, when that time is up, I no longer have the time to spend on this emotion… I get back to my ridiculous Italian music and dance or cook or clean. The list is endless. Emotion doesn’t control me, but it has the power to if I let it. So, I don’t let it.
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I’m looking forward to graduation more than anything. This goal has gotten me through any emotional distresses I’ve faced throughout these years of university. Ultimately I’m working towards bettering my life, so one day all of these issues will no longer be relevant.
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I had to rid myself of family members who didn’t seem to understand what had happened. This was the hardest thing I had to do. A lot of my family couldn’t understand why I was upset. They’d say things like “You’re an adult, get over it,” or tell me I was overreacting. The truth is, the only person who knows the whole story is me. My family was in the dark was because they chose to be.
Maybe one day my mother will come back from Guam and try to contact me. Maybe my father will stop doing stupid s*** long enough to realize I’m relevant. Maybe some family members will see this, get upset, and attempt to call for once. More than likely, they won’t even come to the conclusion it’s about them.
The thing is, I refuse to live my life through a bunch of maybe’s. I am relevant. I do not need a single person to reassure me of my importance.
It’s been awhile but I do have to say every day gets easier, and pretty soon it will get to the point to which neither of them will cross my mind but solely on rare occasion. That’s a day I’m greatly looking forward to. So if either of them were to ever read this I’d love to get this message across:
“I’m doing well without either of you. I will graduate without the both of you. In fact, I would argue I truly wouldn’t be the person I am today without the absence of both of you. So, Arrivederci e grazie.”