Think of a time when you were walking alone, were you afraid? Your answer could be no, but  for so many women (and even men) the answer is yes. Specifically as a woman it has been socialized to believe that we can be subjected to sexual harassment at any given moment. I am in no way saying that men do not have to deal with these issues as well, that would be a completely false claim. However, I cannot personally speak from their perspective as I can for fellow women.
When I was 16, I had a job at a grocery store. I was bagging groceries for my coworker who was running the register, which meant my back was facing the customers coming in through the front entrance. As I was talking I felt someone not only smack, but also squeeze my butt. I turned around assuming it was someone I knew because it was such a sexual touch, but it was a complete stranger. Mortified all I could do was stare at him. His response was laughter, saying “well you shouldn’t stick it out like that if you don’t want it touched.” It was my fault. Blaming the woman is one of the most popular tactics used by a man who is accused of sexual assault. Â
I was at a Super Bowl party with my then boyfriend and close friends who I had known for years. I thought it was a pretty safe place to be. I went into the kitchen to grab myself another snack and a male friend of mine followed me. Once we were out of sight of the others he grabbed me and touched my butt. He attempted to force me to kiss him. I reacted and pushed him off of me, he said that he “knew I wanted it” because I was so nice to him. It is perceived by our society that when we are too nice to a man it gives them permission to touch us whenever they please.
I have been catcalled while I was with my father and little siblings. I have been approached at bars when my boyfriend leaves to go to the bathroom and called a prude for not wanting to flirt with a man because he offers to buy me a drink. I have been groped in public places and eventually even sexually assaulted by a man I knew and trusted for years. Rape culture left me believing that all of these things are “my fault.” If a woman is attractive it is her fault that a man assaulted her and on the other hand if a woman is seen as unattractive she should be thankful for the attention. There seems to be no winning as a female living in the society. Â
Some people think that it’s not a big deal when a woman is spoken to in this manner, or that women are over dramatic. Another common belief is that women simply “can’t take a compliment.” Every single woman that I am close to has had a part of her body touched by a man that she doesn’t know, has been spoken to in an unwelcome sexual manner or was pressured into doing something sexual that she did not want to do. Let me repeat that: every single one.
To those that think words are not a big deal I can promise you that they will forever change the way a woman sees herself. If I know I am going to be alone at any moment throughout the day I dress in a way that won’t draw attention to myself. If I see a group of men walking towards me, I turn up my music and walk faster just to avoid any potentially sexual interaction.
I know what you’re thinking, that not all guys are like that. I’m not saying they are, what I am saying is that in my lifetime I have had many experiences with sexual harassment and when I trying to discuss this with other guys they conversation usually switches to what I was wearing or if I was flirting with that person. In asking questions like this it plays into the idea that it is a woman’s fault. So please, stop victim blaming. Let’s find a better way to compliment a woman that doesn’t involve objectification. We are people. We are tired of being afraid. We are standing up and saying no more.