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How to Deal When Your “Friends” Aren’t Your Friends

Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Derrin Nelson
Royall Bryan
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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at CNU chapter.

Ever lost someone you thought was your friend? Yeah, we have too. We know exactly what you’re talking about. 

Here’s the details: first, you cry your freaking guts out. It’s a painful realization. Trust me. But once the tears dry, like a phoenix out of its own ashes, you rise. There’s this agonizing beauty. This indescribable calm that you feel. You feel absolutely free from all the hurt, all the mistrust, all the loneliness. You realize that you’re better than that person who just wasted all your time. You deserve better. You deserve to be around people that actually want to be around you. Friends are supposed to be there for you. Friends are supposed to support you when you’re fighting for something. Friends are supposed to be there to pick you up when you’re down, not turn a blind eye. Friends are supposed to be people who you can count on. If you are hanging around people who make you feel like absolute horse crap, those aren’t your friends. If you are hanging around people who make you feel self conscious and not like the bad ass bitch that you are, those aren’t your friends. If you’re hanging around people who only tell you what you want to hear, instead of what you need to hear, those aren’t your friends.

Now, here’s a basic guide on how to deal when you realize that your “friends” aren’t your friends:

First, you wipe those tears off your face. Its okay to let it out, but you gotta clean yourself up and get it together at some point.

Put some feel good music on. Or watch something that always puts a smile on your face.

Resist the urge to be petty. That ain’t helping anyone, girl. In fact, you can lose other friends because they won’t like how you handle things.

Call someone that you really trust like your mom, sister, aunt, bff, your dog, etc. You’ll probably cry again, but that’s hard. Just remember to wipe em away.

Take your stress out – cry into a pillow, go for a run, eat a whole tube of raw cookie dough, or burn something down.. Okay, maybe don’t burn something down. But just get all the stress out.

Get dolled up and treat yo self. You deserve it. Go for a movie, ice cream, or coffee. Invite a friend that you haven’t connected in a while.

But, no matter what, learn from the actions of your “friends” and never treat anyone the way they treated you. Be the bigger person, and love yourself first. 

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I am a current senior at Christopher Newport University as a history major with a minor in childhood studies. A future elementary school teacher, with a blossoming passion for photography!
You can categorize Royall as either Leslie Knope when she has her color-coded binders: or Hyde whenever Jackie comes into a room before they start dating: There is no in-between.  Royall recently graduated with her B.A. in Sociology & Anthropology from CNU and now studies Government & International Relations at Regent University. She also serves as the Victim Advocate and Community Outreach Coordinator for Isle of Wight Co., VA in Victim Witness Services. Within Her Campus, she served as a Chapter Writer for CNU for one year, a Campus Expansion Assistant for a semester, Campus Correspondent for two years, and is in the middle of her second semester as a Chapter Advisor.  You can find her in the corner of a subway-tiled coffee shop somewhere, investigating identity experiences of members of Black Greek Letter Organizations at Primarily White Institutions as well as public perceptions of migrants and refugees. Or fantasizing about ziplining arcoss the French Alps. 
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