“The friends you make in college are the friends you’ll have for the rest of your life.” I have lost count of how many times I’ve heard this sentiment. Going into my freshman year of college, it was my biggest concern. I wasn’t worried about classes or finding my way around campus or surviving the dining hall food. I was most worried about making friends and finding my squad.
College can be your first time away from home, so it’s hard to adjust living with a bunch of strangers instead of your family. It’s lonely at times for everyone, but a solid group of friends can make that loneliness a little bit easier.
How do you find this perfect friend group though? You join clubs. You talk to people in your classes. You go out on the weekends. In general, you put yourself out there and open yourself up to new experiences.
This is something I’m still learning how to do, even at the tail-end of my junior year.
As a transfer student, I had difficulty making friends. It seemed as though everyone had already found their perfect “fams gang” and I was left completely out of the loop. But eventually, I put myself out there. I joined Her Campus and made friends there who went to lunch with me and invited me out on the weekends. I talked to people in my classes that I thought seemed cool. I sent them some of the most awkward Facebook messages ever; most of which went something along the lines of, “Hey, I swear I’m not super creepy, but I think you’re cool and that we should get lunch sometime.” It felt totally weird at first, but I’m so glad I did it, especially since one of those classmates I reached out to is my current roommate.
By the end of my sophomore year, I thought I had it all figured out. I had found people I could count on and trust with some of my most embarrassing and humiliating stories. I had found, as Meredith Grey would put it, “my people” and I had never been happier. I was so excited to come back in the fall of my junior year, because it was going to be my first year at college where I actually had friends going into school. I thought that I wouldn’t need to make new friends or talk to anyone else.
Boy, was I wrong.
I still had my closest friends, the ones I knew I could rely on for anything, but people get busy and junior year is when that business really hits. My friends were working and trying to finish up hours of homework and looking for summer internships. Yet, for some unknown reason, I was a lot less busy.
I don’t blame my friends for being busy and having things to do. I’m proud of them for somehow surviving while being under such an insane amount of pressure. It amazes me how they’re all still sane and (fairly) emotionally stable.
In the eye of the storm, where I had too much time on my hands while my friends didn’t have enough, that familiar college loneliness began to set in. I tried to keep myself busy with creative projects and Netflix marathons. It felt like my first semester at Towson all over again. I tried to make new friends, but it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Even though I was trying to meet people, I was still alone.
I thought I had done something wrong. Was I annoying? Did people think I talked too much? Were my jokes not as funny as I thought they were? Was I trying too hard? I’d almost given up on putting myself out there.
Almost.
I realized that I had been looking for friends in the wrong places. I was trying to bond with people I didn’t have much in common with, but people who tended to be around a lot instead. That’s the thing about genuine friendship. You can be surrounded by a ton of people and still feel completely, utterly alone.
Making friends is a constant process, in college and in the “real world.” You can’t hang out with only a few people exclusively and expect to not be lonely ever again. Everyone has their own stuff going on, and sometimes, they won’t be available every time you need them. It’s not their fault and it’s not something they should be blamed for. It’s important to remember that your friends are not accessories or supporting characters in the narrative that is your life. Your friends are real people with real issues and real struggles, and they should be respected as such.
From my experience, I’ve learned that I will always be fortifying friendships and cultivating new relationships. The people you meet in college can be the friends you have for the rest of your life, but like many other people in your life, some of your college friends may leave. And, that’s okay. So, I’m taking my own advice: Next semester, I’ll join more clubs and keep sending creepy Facebook messages to some of my classmates and, in general, put myself out there and keep myself open to getting to know others. Finding a squad is still possible, and there will always be people out there that you can bond with.