 Prom, first kiss, first date; they are the moments that we grew up watching on the big screen, moments we would all hope to experience one day. And let’s face it, no matter how much you despised the genre of film that showed these life moments there came a time you couldn’t help but to imagine what your own moments would be like when they rolled around.
It’s safe to say these movie moments enable our expectations for real life to fly pretty high in the sky, probably riding first class in a 747. I was a realistic juvenile, but even I fell prey to the trap that is romanticizing life moments after seeing them in movies.
This purpose of this article is to tell you about my own movie moments, and why they just didn’t make the cut. This isn’t going to be a romantic, beautiful article, because quite frankly my life isn’t romantic and beautiful. It’s awkward and comical. But I’ve come to accept that. So without further ado, allow me to set the scene for my first movie moment.
Everything about my Junior Prom seemed to be perfect. I had a fun date, found a dress I absolutely loved ON SALE, and our day activity had kicked ass.
  –  (If you’re not from Utah, it’s important to know dances here are all day events. First, one must find themselves a group to be a part of or there’s no point in asking. Then one must ask their date in a creative fashion. Examples include, scavenger hunts, posters with horrible puns, or even playing a friendly prank on your date. On the day of the dance the group will participate in a day activity. Examples include going to the aquarium, going on a hike, etc. Before the dance the group will go out to dinner together and the girls will all take a mandatory trip to the bathroom together. Then there’s the actual dance. And to end the night is the after activity. Examples include movie nights, bon fires etc.) –
When the limo pulled up to take our group to dinner I had no doubt this was a movie-moment prom. We dined at a fancy country club in our own private room, further convincing me this night would be unforgettable. And I was right, it really would be unforgettable, but not for the reason I expected.
If you’ve ever had the 24 hour stomach flu then you know it comes on with absolutely NO WARNING. It was the last dance of the night, a slow dance none the less, when all of the sudden I was so dizzy I thought I was going to hurl. It was all I could do not to pass out on the dance floor. As soon as the dance ended I rushed to the bathroom, where my best friend came and comforted me. She convinced me I would be okay, and I wanted to believe her so bad I let myself be led to the limo. Instead of sitting next to my date I chose the seat next to the window and my best friend/next door neighbor/“brother”. Half way through the ride I felt the window open and my best friend squeezed my hand. “Out you go then Shae”, he said with a sympathetic smile on his face.
And out I went. That’s right. I threw up out the limo window at prom. And then in front of a gas station, where I proceeded to run barefoot into the bathroom and call my parents in tears begging them to come pick me up. But before they could get there I threw up again. 3 more times to be exact. Off my date’s front porch. Into a rose bush. Then my dad pulled up and in tears I told my date I had a really good time. I cried the entire car ride home. At least the rose bush had smelled nice.
 By the end of my high school career I had enough awkward dance experiences to compile material enough for a standup comedy sketch. If that prom story doesn’t convince you of my inability to achieve a movie moment, please indulge in the following list of what not-to-do at dances that nicely sums up everything I did at dances. Please, learn from my mistakes.
- Don’t pin your date with the boutonniere three times before asking for help.
- Don’t accidentally insult their religion, then try to make it better by saying you’re going to convert.
- Don’t stand on a curb wearing heels. And if you do, when you fall, don’t take you and your best friend’s date down with you.
- Don’t lean away from your date in every picture.
- Don’t ask a person you’ve only met once to a dance. I promise it WILL be awkward.
- Don’t hold hands weird just because it feels more “right” to you.
- Don’t tell your date you’ll navigate then forget to turn on the GPS.
- Don’t hang out with your best friend more than your date.
- Don’t forget a bra for after the dance when you change out of your dress.
- Don’t let your date play the knife game with your hand at dinner. Especially if he’s high. You will end up having to slyly ask the hostess for a band aid.
- But more than anything, don’t throw up out the limo window.
It’s safe to say I never did have a movie moment dance. But I made some pretty prime memories, that do actually make me laugh now looking back on them.
But Shaela, what about your first date?! I held my own hands the entire time, afraid he would try to hold them. Then I proceeded to tell him about another boy I had a crush on…
But Shaela, what about your first kiss?! Now this one is tricky, as it depends which one you count as my real first kiss. There’s the one I was tricked into to prove my loyalty to a best friend. Or there’s the real one that happened on a cruise ship with a boy a tad bit older than I was. Actually, not going to lie, that was a total movie moment kiss. I call it my Titanic Kiss. I’m happy to say however, that even with my horrible luck, the ship did not actually crash. I just got a ridiculously miserable cold.
There are probably one hundred more moments I could tell you about, but for now I think this is enough. It’s safe to say that if my movie moments ever did make the cut, it would be for a comedy. Not a romance. There would be crying from laughter, not real emotion. But hey, I don’t think I would have it any other way. At least that’s what I tell myself.          Â