Thereâs a fine line between âjust friendsâ and more than, and sometimes it isnât all that clear where you stand, but we all know that âalmostâ is the worst place to be. Before I met my boyfriend, I was trapped in an endless cycle of non-boyfriends where my emotions were tried, tested, and completely overworked. Some of my guy friends with would test the boundaries of romance, and though these werenât âofficialâ instances of dating, let me tell you firsthand how much they hurt.
           When youâre in an almost relationship, it can be easy to jump the gun. When someone who is close to you makes the move into new territory, youâll probably assume they thought it through and are trying to say that theyâre interested in dating you, otherwise they wouldnât risk the friendship. This mindset can cause you to (surprise, surprise) get your hopes up and start thinking of the possibility of the two of you as a couple. However, in my experience, assumption hurts. Neither person is willing to be open about what they want, so youâre both likely to have different ideas of whatâs going onâand youâll be all the more likely to get hurt because of it.
           The last and most painful experience I had with an almost-boyfriend was with a guy who, at the time, was one of my best friends. We were together almost every day and told each other everything, so when he made a move, I canât say I was surprised. After that, being with him was something I just assumed would happen, but I was too shy to bring it up and decided to wait for him to say something. So this flirty back and forth kept on until finally he said, âI like you, but I donât want to date youâ and called me âa practice runâ and âconvenient.â Ouch. But what hurt even more was the lack of understanding I received.
           Because he wasnât my âofficialâ boyfriend, others didnât understand why I was so upset. They didnât see how much Iâd cared about him; they couldnât have known how hard it was to open up to someone and be vulnerable only to be rejected. They werenât there all of the nights I stayed up late with him talking about anything and everything. They didnât realize how much it hurt to have someone who told me he cared about me and who was a huge part of my life for a significant amount of time treat me as a tool for his own selfish curiosities. To them, because we werenât defined as boyfriend and girlfriend with matching profile pictures and declarations of love in Facebook statuses, we were nothing.
           When my friends would have relationship troubles or breakups, Iâd try to sympathize and would be met with, âThatâs easy for you to sayâyouâve never had your heart broken.â But I had. âItâs different when youâre in a relationship,â theyâd say. But how? Broken trust is broken trust, no matter the status of the relationship behind it. Disappointment is disappointment no matter how public it is. No, I didnât have to change my Facebook status to âsingleâ afterward, but I did have to reevaluate who I was without this person Iâd come to depend on. I had to face every guy that came after him with the words âconvenientâ and âpracticeâ floating around in my brain. I had to deal with feelings of naivety, insufficiency, and self-doubt, and I had to actively put myself back together, all while being told I had no reason to be upset in the first place.
           It took time and patience to get to where I am today, but after a long road of feeling naĂŻve and helpless, I can attest that almost-relationships can feel as real and devastating as official ones, and it isnât wrong to feel heartbroken when someone you cared for and trusted doesnât feel the same way about you. When it comes to love and heartbreak, there shouldnât be rules to dictate how you should or should not be feeling; you should feel and think authentically without having to worry about being called stupid or immature because of it.
Almost-relationships may not be considered official, but the missed expectations, disappointment, and half-dialed phone calls are. The time spent crying and wanting and wishing for him to say sorry and come back isnât immature, isnât naĂŻve, and deserves as much respect and care as the feelings of those who suffered Facebook-official breakups. âAlmostâ may be devastating, but you can make it easier by giving your heart the respect it deserves and letting yourself feel the end of your almost-relationship. Without my almost-relationship, I would have never become who I am today. It may not have been official, but that doesnt mean that it wasn’t real.
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