Spring Cleaning: Hookup Edition

In the spirit of spring cleaning, the time has come not to only rid your closet of sweaters from the bygone era of winter, but to rid your life of romantic clutter as well. With the semester drawing to a close, so too should our backburner relationships.

A recent study conducted by relationship theorist Jayson Dibble defined a backburner as “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication, in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement.”

You know the one. That person you have engaged in on-again off-again hookups with for the past two years or so, but have never committed to. The one you text or call when you’ve exhausted all other options for the night and just want someone to be with. And if the name of someone who is on your backburner doesn’t immediately come to mind, beware…you may be on someone else’s.

In the old days, before the iPhone took over our lives, it was called keeping someone in your “little black book”. Today, that little black book has taken on a new form in our contact lists and Facebook friends, but the concept remains the same.

In your next spring cleaning session, evaluate your relationships and determine who you may be keeping on the backburner and who may be keeping you on theirs. Then, and this is the most important part, get rid of them. Cut off all communication: Stop texting. Stop replying to texts. If the temptation is too real, delete his or her contact.

Getting rid of your back burners can feel like getting rid of your safety net. Sure, you may find solace and comfort in having a back-up to text/call who you know will answer and come running when you’re lonely and bored at 2 am, but it’s simply not fair to string someone along.

However, according to Dibble’s study, men keep more backburners than women. So chances are you may currently be on the receiving end of a back burner relationship. If a guy always promises to hang out “soon” or “later” but rarely actually goes out of his way to do so, you are probably on his backburner list.

The important thing is to ask yourself: what are you getting out of this relationship? If it seems like the relationship is only benefitting him, get out. You deserve better than to be someone’s second choice, only there when he wants you to be yet always lingering around waiting for that late-night text.

Rarely do backburners ever get moved to the forefront of our romantic lives. So what’s the point in keeping this clutter hanging around? Just as you donate the sweater you never wear to a clothing drive, do yourself and your backburners a favor and send ‘em packing. They’ll thank you in the end.

 Happy spring cleaning everyone!

Sources:

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563214000545

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/10/the-psychology-of-back…