The Jan Experience
“It takes time.”
This is the line I was fed repeatedly in an effort to calm my nerves. It came from what could be considered reliable sources – family and friends, all of whom had gone to college and all of whom had too been worried about making friends.
While I rationally knew that, yes, all of these people had experienced college and succeeded in finding their niche, none of them had arrived to their university halfway through the year. Coming here, everything seems solidified. In my first week, I noted most friend groups had no vacancies, students knew automatically what to deliver to their professors, and everyone seemed to know campus like the back of their hand. I still don’t know where the Glen is. Where exactly is Bundy, and why is it so infamous!? To make matters worse, I’m the only one asking these questions. The rest of the Class of 2019 already has a semester of experience on me.
Of course, everyone here has been welcoming and kind, answering any questions I have. I’ve learned that by dropping “I’m a freshman Jan,” I immediately have an excuse for my cluelessness. But still, meeting people doesn’t guarantee making friends. What I found through trial and error was the key to making friends was a three-step process. So, here is my ultimate advice for next year’s Jans, or really, anyone else who wants to meet some new people.
First, be outgoing and weird. It means you’re different. I have a mild obsession with the Myers-Briggs personality test, so of course, the second question I ask after someone’s name is his or her four-letter type. I might lead with, “I’ve seen you on Facebook!” And sometimes, not everyone likes my weirdness. But what I’ve found is that for every couple of people who I don’t mesh with, there are five more people out there to meet who might be. So, my first advice is be outgoing, while still staying true to yourself.
Second, join things on campus. Every person I’ve met who has a wide range of friends has joined at least one or more extracurricular activity on campus. A sport is an easy answer, but not required. Try out a publication or five, spend a Saturday volunteering, and maybe consider join a sorority or fraternity. The key is to create mini communities of shared interest, with the routine of meeting at least once or twice a week in mind.
Third, make plans. After you meet someone and have a conversation with them, get their numbers and reach out to get dinner sometime, or watch a movie playing on campus. Be friendly, and actively work towards getting to know them. Friendships are made through shared experiences, and if you don’t make plans, there won’t be any opportunities for said shared experiences. So take that leap, even if it’s scary. Take it head first, swan dive. That’s what I’m doing, and so far, it’s been exhilarating.
Good luck!