Recently, I’ve noticed that we as a society struggle with how to handle differences of opinion. We often take them personally and become offended rather than try to understand an alternative perspective or even just accept the disagreement and move on. While occasionally we are justified in taking offense at a statement another person makes, it seems as though we are becoming frustrated or angered by increasingly minor and trivial things.
For example, I overheard a conversation a couple weeks ago in which a student was complaining to his friend about a movie review he read online. He was upset because the author disliked the movie and critiqued the qualities he loved about the film. A passing comment she (the author) made about being slightly disappointed in the film’s director for some of the movie’s faults particularly enraged this student. He proceeded to berate her, stating that she did not have enough experience in the film industry to be making these claims and dismissed her interpretation of the movie as invalid. I was surprised by how much this reviewer’s opinion seemed to anger the student, but this surprise soon turned into confusion and frustration. The student went on to say that he now doubted the credibility of the entire publication simply because they published the woman’s movie review. Maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t that seem excessive?
This isn’t the only example I’ve encountered, and if you think about it, I’m sure you’ll come up with similar instances you’ve experienced as well. I’m not sure when we began to react so violently to differing opinions on such small matters. Most likely, people have always behaved this way, and I’m just now beginning to notice. Regardless, this is not something that affects only college students. While older generations seem to enjoy critiquing Millennials, they too struggle with appropriately handling differences of opinion in big and small matters alike. The extreme divide and lack of cooperation between Republicans and Democrats that we see in our government today prove this. Therefore, I think it’s time for us to rethink how we approach disagreements.
At a group event I attended in high school, I remember participating in a discussion on how to communicate effectively with other people. Someone shared a perspective that he always tried to have when speaking to others: Give people the benefit of the doubt. Don’t initially assume they meant to offend you with something they did or said. For the most part, I agree with his statement. When we encounter someone who disagrees with us, how often do we actually take the time to try to understand his or her viewpoint? Don’t we usually just wait for the other person to finish speaking and then jump in with our own opinions? I know that I am guilty of this at times. During moments like these, pausing to think before we respond is the best option. It isn’t difficult to spend a minute or two reflecting on what was said in an attempt to understand another person. The hard part is actually reminding yourself to not immediately assume you’re right, and actively trying to see another viewpoint.
Over Thanksgiving break, I had a conversation with a family friend who I regard almost as a grandfather. He made a very racist and disturbing comment about Syrian refugees that stated their lives were worthless. If anyone made such a statement, I would be angry and attempt to show him or her that the comment was wrong. While I believe that we all have a right to an opinion and am still working on trying to understand the perspectives of people who think differently than me, I cannot tolerate statements that blatantly dismiss and devalue the lives of other people. Coming from a man whom I think of fondly, this was especially upsetting, and I immediately tried to reason with him. I avoided an outright argument, but it was impossible to prevent emotion from seeping into my words. Despite my efforts, I soon realized that nothing I said would change his mind. While this was disheartening and frustrating, I chose to excuse myself from the conversation and resigned myself to the understanding that we simply would not agree on this topic. No amount of anger or time spent arguing would solve anything. It was better to simply acknowledge our difference of opinion.
We shouldn’t dread having disagreements with people. Likewise, we shouldn’t attack others for their differing opinions or refuse to acknowledge their perspectives as valid views to have. If someone truly says something offensive, by all means take the time to respectfully explain why his or her statement was harmful. But only after first trying to understand why he or she made that comment and reflecting on whether or not you misunderstood his or her intentions. Ideally, the individual will listen to your concerns and avoid making offensive comments in the future. However, even if that doesn’t happen, at least you took a moment to fully process the situation and respond in a respectful manner. With that, I will leave you with this final thought:
Image Credit: Brainy Quote, Chez Lorraine, Ziglar, Rare Thoughts