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An Open Letter to the Boy Who Didn’t Commit to Me

Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Jacqueline Napolitano
Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Rachael David
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at PSU chapter.

Dear stranger,

Hey, I miss talking to you 24/7. I miss our stupid debates about cats vs. dogs and the best superheroes, which you never even had a chance of winning, but your effort was appreciated. I strangely remember everything about our “relationship.” I put that in quotes because we acted like we were dating. I even had to pinch myself sometimes to remind myself that it wasn’t going to last. The cute text messages, the times when your car would pull up on my driveway and my heart would skip a beat, or when you would look back at me and smile when we were with your friends… I miss those times.

I know you said it would be hard to keep in touch when we went our separate ways for college. I hoped it wouldn’t be. Even the days leading up to it I thought you would change your mind. I hoped you would change your mind because you knew I’d be willing to give it a shot in a second.

My friends now are doing the long distance thing – the thing that we thought would be the most awful thing possible. They are doing it and getting through it and from the outside looking in, it doesn’t seem so difficult. So I ask you, stranger, why? Why couldn’t you commit to me? Why couldn’t we just give it a shot? What would be the worst thing that could happen? I bet it wouldn’t be as worse as never knowing where the path would lead, where we might have been now and where we would have ended up.

It’s been three months since we have spoken last. I unfortunately think of you sometimes, and it makes me mad because as much as I don’t want to, I still do. I think of you when my best friends talk to their boyfriends for hours on the phone while I’m watching Grey’s Anatomy. I think of you when your favorite band played at a party, and I go back to that time when your awful singing voice came out on our third date right before you dropped me off.

But here’s the thing… all the times I have thought of you I have been lonely. So doesn’t that say something? I know what it means, it means that there have been times where I haven’t thought of you for days and there have been times where I can’t stop thinking about you. But nothing you do controls that… it’s all me.

Home will be hard, seeing you in the grocery store, or at half-off apps will be harder. I don’t want to have that awkward, “How are you? How’s school?” conversation. I know it’s going to happen, but I guess it’s just a part of life. Missing people, hating people, yet not wanting to let them go at the same time.

I want to say thank you. Thank you, thank you for giving me an unforgettable time in my life that I will always remember. Thank you for being the smarter and wiser of the two of us and deciding that this was our time and that would be it. Even though in the moment I didn’t want it to be over, and I always knew you didn’t want it to be either. I appreciate you more now that you did. You gave me a chance to learn who I am and what I want by being on my own. And in conclusion, I have realized I wanted you to say those words, but now I know eventually someone else will.

Love always,

The girl that got away 

 

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Jacqueline Napolitano is currently a sophomore at Penn State University. She is majoring in Journalism and minoring in psychology. She is the head editor to Her Campus Penn State and is loving every second editing articles for the talented writers of Penn State. Her love for everything Buzzfeed and other relatable blogs is what made her want to get in on the action of Her Campus in the fall of 2015. Her experience includes being the Triangle Correspondent for her sorority's magazine, an editorial director for an upcoming book and being the Opinions and Editorial editor for her high school paper. Jacqueline enjoys binge watching every Netflix show from one tree hill to orange is the new black and can recite every episode of friends imagined. She hopes to gain experience in the Public Relations side of Her Campus as well as the writing side. She plans on working in Public Relations or digital journalism for a full time career.
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Rachael David is currently a senior at Penn State University and serves as the Campus Correspondent for Her Campus Penn State. She is majoring in public relations and minoring in psychology. Her love of creative writing and all things Penn State is what inspired her to become a member of the HC team in the fall of 2013. Her background experience includes working for the Undergraduate Admissions Office at Penn State as a social media intern in the spring of 2014 and is currently working as a social media intern for an internet marketing company in Harrisburg called WebpageFX. This past summer she also served as a PR intern for Tierney Communications. Rachael enjoys anything media related especially catching up on her favorite shows, including Saturday Night Live and any show on Food Network. She has a passion for food but also loves being active and spending her free time running or hiking. She hopes to gain more experience in all aspects of the media industry during college and plans on pursuing a career writing for a life & style publication in the future.