Losing a loved one is incredibly painful for everyone… no matter what the circumstances. But losing a loved one while in school can make things even harder. Amiss the hustle and bustle of college life, writing papers, and taking exams, there is a dark cloud hovering over your head and a weight bearing down on your heart. For those of us who struggle with mental disorders such as anxiety or depression, the death of family member or friend can be very troubling and even unbearable at times.
Returning to university as a senior was very difficult for me this year, as a week before the beginning of the semester I lost a very close cousin of mine to suicide. All of the excitement and positivity I had for completing my final year at college washed away and I was forced to cope with grief at a very inconvenient time. Within my first few weeks back at school, I was visiting family members, and attending funeral services and honorary dinners. The death of my cousin was, and still is, a burden that lingered over even the most mundane and simple day-to-day activities like listening to music in the car or eating a food my cousin enjoyed for lunch. Although I felt a great deal of pain and confusion, I also became somewhat numb to the situation, hiding my feelings even from myself so that I could go on with my studies and come to school with a smile on my face.
So far I have learned some valuable coping skills that I wish to share with you, so that if you ever have to experience the unfortunate loss of a loved one while in college you can use these tools to help deal with your grief.
1) Don’t be afraid of your emotions
Repressing your emotions works for a while, but you come to a point where your grief or anger blows up in your face. You may even end up taking your pain out on others. Let yourself cry and vent as much as you need to. Bottling up your feelings will only make things worse.
2) Spend plenty of time with family and friends who also share your grief.
Talking to those who knew your loved one can be an incredible healing process. You’ll be able to share all of the lovely memories you had and discuss your feeling with someone who understands what you’re going through. Your family and friends will also need your support just as much as you do theirs.
3) Write a letter to the deceased
Maybe you were like me and you didn’t get to say goodbye or had some unfinished business with your loved one. Write a letter to them expressing how you feel and what you wish you could have said to them. This can be a great step in your healing process and may bring some emotions to light that you didn’t know you were experiencing.
4) Join a therapy group or see a grief counselor.
Talking with people who are also experiencing loss is a great way to better understand your situation and receive support. Even having one person sit quietly and listen to you while you share your story can be very calming and helpful to you at this time in your life.
5) Keep busy with activities you enjoy
You cannot think about your loved one all the time or only focus on your grief. In order to move forward with your life and feel happy in your day-to-day routine, make sure to take extra time to do the things you enjoy. Whether this is going to the gym or hanging out with friends, do what makes you happy and make sure to spend plenty of time pampering yourself (I took a lot of bubble baths!).
6) Be gentle with yourself.
If you are finding it difficult to focus, your grades are slipping, or you’re just not feeling like yourself, this is totally understandable. Recognize that this is a particularly difficult time for you, and encourage yourself to do your best, but be gentle and accepting of yourself when things don’t go your way.
7) Never be afraid to ask for help.
Sometimes we fall into a dark place without feeling that we have control over our emotions or ourselves. Listen to your heart, mind, and body, and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you feel the pain is too much to handle. Talk to your parents, best friend, roomie, or even a doctor or therapist. Make sure someone knows what you are going through and you are not dealing with the pain all by yourself.
Hopefully these tips help you cope with loss in your life, whether it was of a grandparent, best friend, or dear cousin. Death is never easy, but you can make it easier on yourself by listening to your emotions and reaching out to others when in need. Always know that you are loved, and that somewhere you have a new guardian angel looking down upon you and caring for you.