We all know that one day it will happen. Yes, the zombie apocalypse will make its appearance. Luckily for you we have created a trusty “how to” guide for everything you will need to know to make it out alive.
Rule #1 Check Facebook.
The first thing you have to do is check Facebook, or any social media account really. You don’t want to be that person who walks out of their dorm and right into the zombie mayhem without even knowing it was happening. So do yourself a favor and know when the zombie apocalypse has officially begun.
Rule #2 Gather the Living.
You aren’t going to want to be alone when all of the dead come knocking at your door. Go ahead and group up with some other living people who have yet to be affected by the deadly plague!
Rule #3 Get the Goods.
You won’t last very long in the fight against the living dead if you aren’t sustaining a healthy diet! Start scavenging for the traditional food you can find and once that is all depleted move on to some “foreign” food. I hear grass is great for the immune system!
Rule #4 Get Dirty.
Are you even surviving a zombie apocalypse if you don’t look like a hot mess? Forget personal hygiene, go roll around in some dirt to get that authentic “zombie apocalypse” look.
Rule # 5 It’s All in the Head.
Aim for the head. The head is our target. If you don’t destroy the head, the zombies will not die, and they will eat you.
Rule #6 Gather a BA weapon.
You aren’t going to look cool if you don’t have a samurai sword, so do your best to find one. * A tree branch will also work.
Rule #7 Don’t Die.
Just don’t get eaten.
Disclaimers:
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Animals can turn into zombies as well. If you think JCU squirrels are evil now, just wait till they will want to eat you!
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No matter how nice the Cafeteria workers seem, if they’re zombies, they too will want to eat you as well.
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In the case of a zombie apocalypse, you still can’t park your car overnight in Belvoir.
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This rule also applies to crossing Belvoir Street, you still need to wait for the cross signal, although the zombies do not.
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Duct tape cannot be used as a weapon for it could “peel of the zombie’s skin”.
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No matter what, still crossing the quad is looked down upon, no matter how many zombies are chasing you.
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If you are looking for a place to “freshen up” I hear the fountain is a great place for a bubble bath.
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Don’t be fooled, zombies will walk up and down Warrensville as much as the freshmen do.
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Cabbie D will not be providing transportation during the zombie apocalypse
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You still won’t see Fr. Niehoff.
Best of luck, John Carroll, and make sure you check out SCOUTS GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE in theaters OCTOBER 30th!!!!!!