After a wild night dancing on the ledge in Top Top or sweating it out at Unit 1, we’ve all made some questionable decisions at our time in Exeter. Your night may have been VK filled blur, but now the sun has risen, the hangover has hit, and you haven’t woken up alone.
If you’ve taken him back to yours there are several ways of getting rid of last night’s conquest…
The go-to excuse is ‘I have a lecture’ or ‘I need to go to the gym’ or even ‘my parents are visiting today so you better get dressed‘ (just make sure he does’t take that as an excuse to meet the parents). If you do manage to make your lecture, you’ve got two options: wash away last night’s mistakes with a hot shower, or alternatively rock the morning after look – what better way to let all your coursemates know that you are, in fact, sexually active. Remember to add a pair of sunnies for extra drama.
In rare situations, the stranger in your bed will sleep significantly longer than you. You’re faced with a dilemma: do I wake him up or hide in a friend’s room until he leaves? It really is up to you, but, from experience, nothing good comes from waking a sleeping boy.
If you feel you’ve somehow made a connection with your ONS, dash into the bathroom, sort out your face then lie back down and he’ll think he’s woken up next to Sleeping Beauty.
If you’ve woken up in a room you don’t recognize, do not panic! Assess your surroundings, desperately recall the name of the man lying next to you, and locate your pants. If you enjoyed your night of steamy passion then feel free to wait around until he wakes up, there’s always a chance for Round Two in the morning – just don’t overstay your welcome and move in for the week. On the other hand, if all you want is to get out of there pronto make sure you tread lightly, or be prepared for an awkward run-in with some very amused housemates.
Now you’ve escaped into the outside world, what you once thought was a pull-worthy outfit now feels very dirty and sweaty. Ideally, borrowing a jumper or hoodie from your ONS would be helpful, but if you decide to flee the nest early this option is eliminated.
Get back to your house or accommodation as quickly and casually as possible. This becomes more difficult after a Wednesday night social, especially when you’re dressed as a baby, an oompa loompa, or have an elaborate mermaid costume that seemed such a good idea at the time. The chances are high that you will run into at least 5 people you know on your walk home, so try to avoid peak times – between 8:20 and 9:20 – to save as much as your dignity as possible.
A great tip to avoid embarrassment is to pick up food on your way home, a bottle of milk or a sandwich, to make it look like you just nipped to the shop.
At the end of the day, own your stride of pride! You had a great time, he had a great time, everybody wins. Anyone who judges is just jealous that you had a banging night, quite literally, and they probably stayed in and watched Strictly. Who’s the real winner?