Unless you never check social media, you’ve heard the news. Hopkins has FINALLY broken the Top Ten of National Universities on US News and World Report, and we couldn’t be more excited about it.
A lot of people have been wondering what drove the huge change, and we have the top ten answers right here for you.
1. Students wearing the college sweatshirts of schools they didn’t get into were an all-time favorite.
2. One researcher ordered a “Special with Hash Browns” at UniMini and voted Hopkins #1 on the spot.
3. The lacrosse scooters were especially impressive.
4. A researcher mildly interested in chemistry attended an Orgo lecture and immediately burst into tears.
5. Another decided to go to an IFP class and their five-line poem was torn apart by everyone in the class, professor included.
6. A student was observed to have hissed at sunlight after working in D-Level for nine hours straight, and this was said to show “extreme dedication.”
7. A frat party was shut down by one researcher opening a can of soda inside, as it disturbed a studying neighbor.
8. The average upper body strength of a Hopkins undergraduate student due to the weight of his or her backpack surpassed the level of your everyday bodybuilder.
9. A stolen flamingo was found in a researcher’s hotel room and he was very excited about it.
10. The researchers decided to show school spirit at a track meet, and were very roomy in the bleachers.
11. They were also pleasantly surprised by the fact the lawn chairs weren’t in fact stolen but bought for $10,000 (Okay, the extra 11th reason may be a stretch…)
Everyone give yourselves a pat on the back for this incredible achievement; maybe now people will remember we’re not just a medical school!