People throw around the term “perfectionist” quite freely, especially referring to high-achievers, like many students at Notre Dame are. A lot of the time it’s meant as a compliment, praising someone for high quality work, beautiful handwriting or other things that aiming for perfection benefits. However, when perfectionism seeps into all aspects of life it can lead to low self-esteem and general unhappiness.
As I approach my sophomore year, I remember the high expectations I set for myself entering my freshman year. I had this ideal image in my head that involved impeccable grades, fun parties and awesome friends (basically eveything I saw on Greek). My difficulty trying to achieve this perfect picture made me incredibly depressed and self-doubting.
It got to the point where I thought that I, as a person, was naturally unlikeable, so I decided to change that. I focused on making everything perfect. My eating disorder resurfaced, I began hyper-focusing on schoolwork, and I started getting extremely anxious around new people, wondering if they liked me or not. I was 15 pounds lighter and had straight As, but I was still plagued with discontent. This kind of attitude did not help me make friends and I left my freshman year defeated, sad and lonely.
What I am trying to bring to focus by sharing this personal story is the negative side of perfectionism. What used to be considered a positive trait has become such a notable condition that psychologists have begun to focus whole research and books on how it can contribute to serious mental health issues like depression, eating disorders, OCD, insomnia and suicide.
Dr. Thomas S. Greenspon is one psychologist who has taken notice of the harmful effects of perfectionism. His article “Is There and Antidote to Perfectionism?” perfectly (no pun intended) explains how “the bright line that distinguishes perfectionism from striving for excellence is fear of mistakes.” The inability to cope with failure can cripple perfectionists.
Greenspon says while “non-perfectionists who push themselves to succeed may well be disappointed and hurt by failure… perfectionist people are potentially devastated by it.” These perfectionists could take a note from Hannah Montana.
Beyond Hannah Montana and what may seem like psychobabble, there are real life examples of the kind of destruction perfectionism can cause. I became more aware of how perfectionism can play a large negative role in the lives of college students when I read about Madison Holleran.
Madison Holleran was a beautiful, intelligent, athletic, successful girl attending a prestigious university, but her perfectionism drove her to a mental state she couldn’t cope with. When I read the article on her life and suicide on ESPN I was terrified.
Everything they were saying about her not enjoying college and feeling overwhelmed resonated with me. Despite her internal struggle, she outwardly made her life seem fun and great and what she thought it should be, filling her Instagram with pictures of her smiling and with friends. Dr. Gordon Flett, another pyschologist who has focused studies on perfectionism, has noted that perfectionists often become exhausted trying to appear “together,” but that it’s exceptionally important for them to control their appearance to the outside world. When I first came home from school I was terrified to tell anyone how my year really went. Originally I thought that what would be worse than the failure would be everyone knowing I failed. That facade quickly becomes tiresome.
Madison Holleran is an extreme example, but her story is powerful in highlighting how perfectionism can slowly overcome someone. Unnoticed and unhealthy perfectionism can take a toll. What is important is consciously deciding that it will not define an entire life.
I am definitely not a doctor and this is not a research paper. I simply want to raise awareness and help eliminate the stigma that surrounds mental health. Not everyone who suffers noticeably suffers, but by creating a more compassionate society open to vulnerability and free of harsh judgment, people can help anyone who may be having a difficult time.
Perfectionism, in its most intense form, is a serious issue that is spreading in a world that emphasizes beauty and success. But ultimately happiness is more important and can only be achieved through accepting human imperfection and concentrating on positive relationships with yourself and others. This cat GIF might help too.
I feel better already.
The HCND application is now open! For more information contact Rebecca Rogalski at rebeccarogalski@hercampus.com or Katrina Linden at katrinalinden@hercampus.com.
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