It’s Undie Run, Not “Please Undress Me” Run

It’s Wednesday night of finals week. Carter, a fellow Chapman University student, is sporting his plaid Calvin Klein boxers and is pumped for Undie Run. He spots Casey, his classmate in financial accounting, amongst the moshpit of booze-and-booty bearers in the piazza. She has got her double d’s laced up in the new Victoria Secret’s Hot Pursuit collection. Therefore, Carter decides that Casey and her alphabets want to be hotly pursued. 

Plot twist: Someone slaps a post-it note with a big NOPE on Carter’s forehead. Because, Carter, you can’t just assume that Casey is like the female target in Pharell’s music video. In fact, Casey is not a target, even if her silk-covered lady part is a metaphorical dartboard you are aiming your pointy arrow at. She is just a person like you who happens to not be dressed in clothes she would wear to Mother’s Day brunch.

Now, that does not mean the world has to blind Carter with papercuts from feminist pamphlets for checking out Casey’s boobies. They may even compell him to go over and say flirtatious underwear puns to Casey. The Titanic may not have been as romantic if Jack approached Rose because the silouette of her bossom against the evening horizon of the North Atlantic Ocean captured his eye. However, in both cases, it is not a sin for Carter and Jack to talk to these ladies becuase they took a liking to their assets. Attraction is not a punishable crime.   

However, what screams a loud NO! is if the men assume that women want to have sex or be groped, handled, spanked, or even held hands with because they are flaunting their goods. Wearing a push-up bra and black lace thong at Undie Run is not equivalent to donning a sign that says “I’m horny, touch me.” Sometimes us women just want to look hot for the sake of looking hot. Maybe we just aced our human anatomy final that morning and want to celebrate by parading our butt cheeks around the Orange Circle.

So, how can Carter try to woo Casey without degrading her? He can….

SIMPLY TALK TO HER WITH NO EXPECTATIONS!

If she is returning the flirty vibes and agrees to hang out with Carter, that’s great!

And if Carter decides to try out his moves, he can still be sexy and a leading gentleman in a Disney movie at the same time.

But if Casey’s not having it, you got to move on and play FIFA with your bros, Carter.

Because no matter what, this will always stand true:

Cover photo courtesy of OC Weekly and Eric Hood.

• body
• college
• consent