In my 19 years, I’ve come across a multitude of questions regarding my ethnicity. For those of you who haven’t guessed it yet, I come from a mixed-race household. My mother is Puerto Rican, and my father is Jamaican and Chinese. Put those three things together, and you get a curly-haired, 5 foot tall, kind of confused looking young woman.
I’ve stumped many people throughout my life when I’ve told them my mixed ethnicity. They had made some guesses regarding it (none of which have ever been close to the actual thing), and I’ve surprised them each and every time. But with each interesting guess that’s been made, there have been even more awkward, unnecessary, and flat out weird remarks made in response. So I’ve decided to do a little self-reflection and came up with 5 things that should never be said to a mixed-race person.
1. “So…what are you?”
Generally, I take no offense to this question. I’ve often responded politely and happily told the person I was talking to where my family comes from. However, when that question is asked as if I am some sort of rare unicorn that hasn’t been spotted for years, slight offense can be taken. I hate to break it to you, but I’m actually not as special as you might think. I and many other people in the world come from ethnically diverse households, and we grew up just like everybody else. So ask this question with caution, and try not to phrase it as if the person you’re speaking to is some sort of rare species that has never been heard of before.
2. “But you’re not (insert stereotype here).”
Again, another statement that I’ve taken slight offense to in my years. Often I’ve encountered this statement when I’ve just told someone that I am half Jamaican. A slew of stereotypes often floods their mind, and they are often perplexed when they take a look at me. Contrary to popular belief, not every Jamaican person is a Rastafarian with dreadlocks who listens to reggae music all day long. In fact, there are many Jamaican people who are known for their other talents, just ask Usain Bolt. So again, I ask that you stay away from this statement, as it opens a can of worms that you will have a very difficult time closing.
3. “So, can I touch your hair?”
With a mixed-racial pool, it’s often a toss-up of what genes you’re actually going to get. In my experience, that toss up is my hairstyle. I was born with fine, spiral, curly hair. Since elementary school my hair has fascinated people. On many occasions, people have asked me if they could touch my hair. The answer has been a consistent no. No, friends, you may not touch my hair. If you feel the need to stroke curly hair so badly, invest in a curling iron and stroke your own. My hair is just that, my hair. I will do with it what I please, and if that means wearing it in a messy bun all-year-round to prevent people from asking me questions about it, then so be it.
4. “So you must be able to get into any school.”
Again, another assumption. Yes, I did check off the multi-racial box on my college applications, and yes, I did specify as to what my ethnicity was. However, making the assumption that I got into a specific school because of my ethnic background is flat out rude. I, and many other individuals like myself, got in to school because of my merit and intelligence. In high school I was told this statement multiple times, and each time I felt as if I needed to justify my intelligence to those around me. No one should have to do that. So I beg you, please stop making this assumption.
5. “How do you fill out forms?”
This is by far my favorite statement of all. For the past 19 years, I’ve always been asked, “So what boxes do you check off when you fill out forms?” Growing up, on many official forms I was only given the option of checking off one box. The option I often chose the “Other” option, as I didn’t know how else to describe myself. In recent years, however, I noticed a change in my options. I finally had the option to “Check all that apply.” I proudly sat down and checked off all the boxes that related to who I am. So to answer your question, I can proudly say that I can finally check all that apply to me!