Take a moment and think about the last few things you apologized for. Did you accidentally brush a stranger’s arm as you squeezed by them in the hallway? Did you trip over a backpack a classmate left on the floor? Maybe you were trying to give your opinion or didn’t know the answer to a question. Now think about this: did you really need to say sorry for doing those things?
According to a 2010 study published in the journal Psychological Science, women apologize 37% more often than men do. And it’s not because women are meeker (which hopefully, by this point, nobody tries to argue anymore); in fact, men are equally as likely to apologize if they perceive they’ve done something wrong.
That’s just the key: perception of wrongdoing.
Women, the study reports, have a lower threshold for what they determine requires an apology. So while lightly touching someone’s arm in the hallway may conjure a profuse apology from a woman, it may only generate a shrug from a man.
Over the course of history, this has led to women being stereotyped as the passive and more apologetic gender. What’s more, as a consequence of this stereotype, women who don’t seem apologetic enough are labeled as “bossy” or even “bitchy.”
There’s nothing wrong with saying sorry if you truly believe you’re at fault for something. A genuine, heartfelt apology is always appreciated when it’s needed. But when “I’m sorry” becomes one of the most commonly used phrases in our vocabulary, we are inadvertently putting ourselves down. We are openly declaring that we’ve done something wrong, even if we’ve done nothing of the sort. What kind of message does that send to the people around us? How does this transfer to the way we build relationships and communicate with other people?
Of course, this study was conducted on a small percentage of the population, so we can’t say this is true for every individual. But, as college women in the modern world, the findings of this study are important to reflect upon. Reducing the number of apologies issued by women could very well be a positive influence on how society views us as a whole. As we continue through college and beyond, we must keep in mind that we have less to be sorry for than we think we do!