This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at OK State chapter.
(photo via Flickr/skedonk)
In college you will experience multiple breakups, both of the romantic and friendship variety. Throughout the four or so years of your college experience, people will come and go, and you will change as a person. It’s hard, having friends and significant others no longer be an important part of your life. From friends you’ve spent the last six months with, to people you’ve been dating for only a month, all breakups hurt. So here are five ways to begin moving on, when people stop being a part of your life.
- Don’t stop doing the things you used to do with that person. One of the first things someone does when a relationship ends, is to immediately stop going to the places that they used to go to with that person. Some people even stop doing the same hobbies or watching the same shows because it reminds them of that person. But this just causes you to wallow, and stay focused on the breakup. It also isn’t practical in college, because you probably work or have a class with the person you’re avoiding. You’re much more likely to stay uncomfortable if you let the breakup affect other areas of your life.
- Talk to someone. One of the most painful parts of a breakup is talking about it. Those first few days when you have to tell everyone that you are no longer friends with or dating someone that they’re used to seeing you with, can cause the anger and sadness to grow. But it can also allow you to work through your feelings. By talking about what happened, and how you feel about it, you may find that something else is what you’re upset about, more than just the breakup itself.
- Bring it up to them. This one is more for when you’re trying to move on from a friend. It goes along with number two, but instead of just talking about your feelings, it may help to directly approach the person and let them know what’s up. Sometimes when friends are growing distant, it’s unintentional. They may just be having a tough time or need some space, and unlike romantic relationships, people tend to forget to communicate with friends. If it turns out they don’t want to completely cut ties, then it’s better that you talk to them sooner rather than later.
- Cut them completely out. If it is a breakup where you don’t plan to reconcile and you are sure that it isn’t just a miscommunication, then you need to cut all ties with that person. I said in number one not to stop doing the things you used to do, and that is still true. But with things that really were something that you did only with that person, then you need to take a break from it. Also, delete phone numbers, cancel plans you’d made with that person. In some extreme cases you also need to cut out people associated with that person. If you have mutual friends that’s one thing, but if they’re people that you only met through that person, like their sister, or roommate, then you have to cut ties with those people too. Otherwise the person you are distancing yourself from will keep popping up.
- Don’t be afraid to cry or get angry. A lot of times women will avoid the anger or sadness stage of a breakup. We will try to ignore our own feelings, and downplay the situation. But regardless of how long or how well you knew the person, it is still takes an emotional toll when it’s over. Don’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt, and don’t lie to your friends when they ask if you’re okay. They genuinely care how you feel and you should let them help you.
Whether it’s a friendship or a romance, relationships are important, and when they’re over, it can be difficult to move on. Just remember, there will be other friends, and there will be other dates.