It’s no question that romance pretty much has some role in most television shows and movies, but do we realize how much it is impacting our own romantic relationships? The Fault in Our Stars features a boy named Augustus Waters who is possibly the most ideal, perfect boyfriend on the face of the earth. He fights to be with the main character, Hazel, and shows his love by flying her to Amsterdam to meet her favorite author. But even though we all know it is “just” a movie, we tend to let these images influence what we look for in a potential boyfriend – like the way he acts and the things he says.
First of all, no boy you just start dating is probably going to go crazy trying to see you or surprise you for the heck of it. At first, a lot of guys can be skeptical about getting into a new relationship. I mean, think about it! Whether you met him in class or at a party, there is going to be a little reluctance to go “all out” if you just met. Guys think differently from girls in terms of how to show interest and how to begin a relationship. He’s probably not going to pull a Cory Matthews and go all the way to Disney World just to tell you (Topanga) that he only wants to be with you. Just because he does not leave his house to drive through a snow storm in the middle of January to be with you does not mean that he clearly doesn’t like you enough or that he isn’t the guy for you. He’s not going to risk his life for you, and if you’re smart, you’ll do the same.
Which brings me to my next point: don’t expect him to drop everything and everyone to be with you. Movies like The Notebook show Allie and Noah literally spending every waking moment together when possible. Honestly, that is obsession and infatuation – not love. At this point in your life, both of you should be focusing on your career and your friends while you’re still in college. After college, everyone goes their own ways. So spend time with your best girls! If he’s out with his friends one or two nights during the week, don’t pout and demand that he come over. Do the same and spend some time with your girlfriends!
Another thing to take into consideration is the fact that men in general do not tend to communicate through words. It takes a lot for some guys to even tell you that he likes you. For example, my parents have been married for almost 30 years and it took my dad four years into when they were dating to tell my mom he loved her. Maybe it’s just not comfortable for him to express his emotions. A lot of pressure has been put on men to be these unexpressive, macho, and tough as nails humans which has led a lot of men to be raised in holding in their emotions and to express it more as anger. In short, don’t expect a lot of the things he says to you to be perfect. A real life boyfriend is probably not going to pull a Mr. Darcy and find you in the pouring rain just to confess his feelings for you.
If you are about to start dating someone or have been dating someone for a little while, and you don’t feel as if he is putting in enough effort to be with you, stop and think about the possible reasons. If you still feel worried, don’t be afraid to talk to him about it. He probably doesn’t think that not talking on the phone with you upsets you or that his lack of expressing how he feels about you leaves you to have some doubts. We must keep in mind that guys are humans and no one boyfriend is going to be perfect in any way. However, if you communicate with him, and he fails to make an effort, don’t be afraid to find someone who will.
Good luck in your love lives, Collegiettes!