Every Valentine’s Day, the silver screen is graced with chick flicks, rom-coms, and tragic stories of star-crossed lovers wherein one will die tragically by the end of the film. This year’s Valentine’s Day is no exception. This year, we’ll see movies like Jupiter Ascending and The Last Five Years, but probably the most spotlighted movie with February is the movie adaptation of the bestselling book Fifty Shades of Grey.
All criticism for E.L. James’ notably pathetic writing aside, Fifty Shades of Grey is packed with problematic themes stemming from the book’s unhealthy representation of BDSM relationships.
BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism (alternatively, the D could stand for dominance and the S for submission). Often it comes under fire for its practices which are seen as “rough sex” and may include power dynamics, the use of handcuffs or rope, whips, certain sex toys and belt which is all not unlike Christian Grey’s taste in Fifty Shades of Grey. However, where Fifty Shades of Grey differs is the complete and utter lack of emphasis on safety, consent and aftercare which is emphasized in the community. Not only that, Christian’s other behaviors towards Ana—controlling and stalking her—suggest an abusive relationship which is only romanticized in the books. In fact, Fifty Shades of Grey promotes an unhealthy view of BDSM and relationships as a whole which is potentially dangerous for readers.
The Failure of Consent and Aftercare
As it should be in all relationships and sexual encounters, consent is a huge aspect of the BDSM community. Consent is when all parties are aware of the sexual acts that are about to occur and wholeheartedly (an enthusiastic “yes”) agree to them. Yet, before the sex even occurs Christian is violating Ana’s consent. After stalking her cell phone, he so heroically saves her from a drunk friend, takes her home, while she’s drunk and unable to consent, and undresses her. He does not have sex with her, but when did she agree to be taken to his home and undressed? Enlighten me.
As their relationship blossoms, Christian Grey gives Ana a contract which is not uncommon in a BDSM relationship—it outlines perfectly what will occur in the relationship. However, consent should be a mutually agreed upon thing. Ana brings nothing to the table herself. She is portrayed quite literally as a blank slate, following solely Christian Grey’s idea of sex (although she’s a virgin, how is it possible she has no idea about anything sex-related? No fantasies? She has a highly sexually active roommate. She has never wondered about herself?). Practicing BDSM is supposed to be enthusiastically agreed on by both parties, but yet Ana cautiously and nervously acts only simply a venue for Christian Grey to practice his interests, which violates the consensual part that the BDSM community emphasizes.
Furthermore, several times during this sexual encounters, Ana clearly shows nerves and reluctance. In one instance, she even notes looking for an escape route. While she may be aroused, she is not clearly consenting. Arousal does not equal consent. Someone who is sexually abused may be aroused, but that does not, under any circumstances, mean that are enjoying or consenting to the abuse. Meanwhile, there is an even an instance where she clearly says “no,” and he threatens to tie her up to stop her struggling. Not only is this an inaccurate representation of BDSM (tying someone up is never used to actually stop someone from struggling—which would make it rape. He should have stopped and affirmed that she was withdrawing consent), but it is also coercion.
There is an agreement upon safewords in the contract Christian gives Ana which is a good and required in a BDSM relationship (and all relationships). However, Christian fails to really explain the usage of the safewords nor does he explain what Ana could use if she’s unable to speak—or use her hands (at one point she’s unable to use either which is dangerous and leaves her unable to use her safeword) and thus they become irrelevant.
Finally, when all of this is done, where is the aftercare? Christian leaves Ana alone after one particular encounter that upsets her and allows her to run off when she becomes upset with his treatment of her without attempting to remedy the situation (this is solely from the first book. Stay tuned for more abuse in the second and third!).
Stalking, Anger and an Abusive Cycle
I’m just going to state this straight out: Christian Grey is an abuser. He is abusive towards Ana. They are in an abusive relationship.
Several times in the book, Ana expresses fear and discomfort of making Christian angry. You should never fear making your partner angry. You should not want to make your partner angry. But, you should not fear their anger. This is abuse.
Not only does he strike fear in her, he intimidates her. He isolates her. He stalks her. Not only does this create an inaccurate portrayal of BDSM, it is just plain abusive. However, the book nor the media surrounding it does not portray it as abuse. It is instead romanticized. He gives her gifts, yet these are in an effort to keep her bound to him. He is grooming her and retaining control over her. As previously stated, he stalks her and heroically swoops in to save her from a drunken friend. How romantic! Are we going to forget the part where he stalks her?
Some may argue that Christian Grey was abused as a child and therefore needs help and not criticism. Yes, he does need help. However, this does NOT excuse his behavior. He was severely wronged and should never have been sexually abused. He deserves love, support and help. No one deserves to be abused. Thus, Christian Grey should not be abusing Ana. Do you see how this can become a terrible cycle?
To Read the Book Or Not to Read It?
Many people have read the book. I have read the book. My friends have read the book. It’s perfectly acceptable to read books. However, do not think for one second that Fifty Shades of Grey is a romantic, perfect portrayal of BDSM and relationships. See Fifty Shades of Grey for what it really is: a poorly written and terrible representation of BDSM as well as a representation of a horribly abusive relationship. Too often we romanticize abuse in books (See: Twilight) and this simply needs to end. E.L. James had a simple job: to thoroughly research BDSM and educate herself (as well as perhaps take some writing classes). She had the opportunity to admit that this book portrays an abusive relationship, but instead completely denies it.
Unhealthy portrayals are relationships have too long been romanticized. It’s time to stand up and refuse to accept it. Fifty Shades of Grey will be released on Febuary 14th, right smack in the middle of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. How about, instead of wasting your money on seeing the movie, consider donating your money to end abuse. Because that’s an important cause.