We call ourselves co-adventurers – it’s a term we feel best sums up who we are as a couple. Together, we explore, excavate and experience the little pocket of the world that is available to us. We just very much enjoy each other’s presence more than anything. To us, we are a pair of fidgety goofballs. Outwardly, however, our relationship takes on a rather different label: interracial.
My boyfriend identifies as Latino and I, white. While our differing races are nearly never on the forefront of our minds when we interact, we don’t pretend as though we’re colorblind. Race itself is a socially contrived concept. Different skin colors are the result of melanin build-ups within the flesh. It’s ludicrous to think, but panoplies of people have been oppressed to the point of extermination due to simply possessing a sizable bulk of a light refracting pigment. Even so, race has culture attached to it, and with culture comes customs. Individuals tie their identities to such traditions a culture-infused lifestyle requests. So even if race is socially contrived, it undeniably exists in our society. Because of this, it’s important for those engaging in an interracial relationship to acknowledge the racial disparity head-on and foster an ongoing dialogue where a non-judgmental, productive conversation about race can be had.
There seems to be an assumption when it comes to dating someone of another race that some sort of giant obstacle exists that the couple must struggle relentlessly to overcome. As if race is the omnipresent elephant in the room demanding attention without end. I cannot speak for all multiracial relationships, but this certainly is not the case between my boyfriend and me. The role race plays in our relationship based on similar interests and values is slight. Race, in fact, has never been a topic of contention for us, as I can imagine significant others of opposing faiths might experience. Mutual respect, which is crucial in any partnership, interracial or not, is what allows race to be a non-issue for the two of us.
I put in a concerted effort to be as aware as possible of the privileges I am allotted as a white person. Such awareness comes with the realization that because I am white, I can never know the plight of being oppressed due to the color of my skin. This conscious sensitivity, however, is not too dissimilar than from what I expect of my boyfriend and the recognition of his male privilege. It is important for both parties to maintain an open-minded air about them, so either partner can feel comfortable enough to share their experiences. Slip-ups, of course, happen. Racism is unfortunately so deeply engrained in American culture that most believe one has to be prejudiced against a particular race in order to be racist. In actuality, racism can be as seemingly harmless as feeding into stereotypes. Pigeonholing people according to their race is damaging. When mistakes such as these are made, owning up to them and discussing where that sort of thinking is stemming from can help to incite a more progressive thought process.
Luckily, my boyfriend and I live in an environment where we don’t have to think much about sharing a meal together or holding hands in public. Cal Poly may not be a haven of diversity, but never have I noticed anyone react negatively or really react at all to the sight of my boyfriend and I showing affection for one another. I have been told by my boyfriend on a few occasions that he sometimes forgets we are of two different races. Race matters when it comes to understanding another’s background and celebrating their culture, but as for love, it is marginal. What takes precedence are values, shared interests, reciprocal attraction and cohesiveness.
As far as I’m concerned, the true obstacle our relationship has had to overcome (and this is an unending scuffle), is the fact that he is a Batman kind of guy and I will forever be loyal to one Peter Parker.