In our young culture, there are many different ideas swirling around about what it means to be “Facebook Official.” Is it more of an online public display of affection? A way of staking your claim on your partner? Is it just what you do if you are exclusive? Let’s explore.
In my own experience, I remember this topic brought the most in high school. People would say, “They are ‘Facebook Official,’ therefore, they are officially dating.” It was a bit juvenile, I might say. But, that being said, if I really liked a guy and saw a potential future, I would not mind changing my status. It would be a privilege for the guy, and something I would look forward to doing if he was worth my time. For now, my Facebook page does not disclose anything, and that is what my currently single and mingling self prefers. So much mystery, ha-ha.
There are pros and cons to this hyper-exclusive way of saying “I’m with this person.” If you do not want other people hitting on your boyfriend or girlfriend, or want to officially take them off the market, being exclusive on Facebook makes that much easier to do.
When you are excited about being in a relationship, you generally want to share that with other people. Facebook’s exclusivity creates a scenario where you are totally open about your relationship. By becoming “Facebook Official,” one might say you get the full experience of being in a monogamous relationship in the digital age- comments, “likes,” gossip, and all. For some, changing their relationship status on Facebook is simply one of the steps in making a dating relationship exclusive, and doing so is a very meaningful and exciting experience.
The problem with broadcasting your relationship status on Facebook is the ever-cliché situation of the super-public break-up. You change your status, and get an outburst of comments from people in your life saying, “I’m sorry, hun. Omg, we need a girl-talk night,” and the completely off-putting, “What happened? He’s such a loser. You deserve better.” Ugh! No one wants to be asked those questions publicly on Facebook.
Then again, there also might be an outpour of messages from guys who are excited your two-year relationship is over, and they can finally ask you out. #YOLO (Just kidding)
Another aspect to consider is how much a status discloses about a relationship. “Facebook Official” does not necessarily mean a-happy-go-lucky relationship. It may not reflect much about the two people themselves, and their actual level of commitment. Exhibit A: Being in an “open relationship” with your best friend. Exhibit B: Being in a “civil union” with your roommate. *Jokes on jokes on jokes*
In their book, Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way into His Heart, Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz recommend not disclosing your relationship status on Facebook until you are married, one of the reasons being that it protects you from the social media breakup.
Relationship Expert, Matthew Hussey, made a similar comment on his show, Love Life, on iHeartRadio. He recommends not disclosing your status on Facebook unless you are in a serious committed relationship or married.
What did college guys say?
Ryan*, a senior at George Washington University, said, “I really didn’t care about becoming “Facebook Official” until my ex and I had dated for like a year. She said she wanted to change her status, so I obliged.”
Jeff*, a junior at Marymount University, had a different perspective. He remarked, “It was a mutual thing. I wanted to, and so did she. Becoming “Facebook Official” came naturally, organically. It wasn’t a big deal for us.”
Speaking about a public social media breakup, Edward*, a senior at American University, said, “I really didn’t care when I changed my status to single. Like, honestly. Girls just messaged me out of the blue. It was incredible.”
On a lighthearted note Abe*, a senior at Marymount University, said, “As soon as I broach the topic of exclusivity with a girl, I initiate becoming “Facebook Official” because I want to, and I care about her enough to change the status. It’s part of being a couple.” Agreeing with Jeff, he added, “It isn’t really a big deal.”
What did college girls say?
Gillian*, a sophomore at Northern Virginia Community College, said, “I’m in a relationship, but my status says single. My boyfriend never brought it up, and I was afraid to. So, I never changed it. But, I wanted to.”
Rebecca*, a senior at Marymount University, said, “My boyfriend doesn’t have Facebook, so I was saved from the whole ordeal.” She laughed, “My status just says “ask.”
Elena*, a senior at Marymount University, said, “I really don’t care about a relationship status. I think it just has to do with two people caring about each other in a committed way. If they don’t want their entire friend list to know, who cares?”
Emma*, a senior at Virginia Tech, said, “To me, “Facebook Official” means that we’re both committed to the relationship and that we’re not afraid to show the world that we’re together.” Emma also remarked, “I do not think that (guys) care as much as girls care about it. Without girls pressuring or requesting them to (change their status), I do not think it would significantly cross their mind.”
What does it mean to be “Facebook Official?” It appears to be subjective to a given party. Let us know what you think in the comments!
*= Name has been changed for privacy reasons.