Two weeks ago, I googled “glitter explosion” because I wanted a new screen saver for my computer. This summer I went to the mall to ironically buy a rhinestone phone case, only to realize that I actually thought it was cute. I love nothing more than getting my nails done and the only movies I’m ever in the mood to watch are romantic comedies. I live for US Magazine because I genuinely care to hear about Kimye’s latest happenings. I am the epitome of a girly girl.
I am also a feminist. A vehemently opinionated and desperately emotional feminist. Throughout my life, I have struggled with a haunting question of identity: does my love of Nicholas Sparks make me an inherent road block in my gender’s struggle for equality? Does my love of fashion translate directly into an inadvertent submission to misogyny? Does wanting to get asked to get married and a particular expectation and definition of chivalry make me a victim of internalized sexism?
After years of contemplation, I have come to a resounding decision: No. In order to qualify as a feminist, you simply need to be a proponent of equality and demand respect.
What I’ve come to realize is that to stay true to yourself as both feminine and a feminist there are two key things to keep in mind: 1. wear what you want and 2. do what you want.
1. Wear what you want
Whether we like it or not clothes define us, and learning how to make a distinction between clothes you wear for yourself and clothes you wear to impress others is the first facet of being a successful feminist girly-girl. Gaining a clear understanding of this difference was one of the most liberating moments that I’ve experienced. If you want to rock a mini, do it! Put on that American Apparel bandage skirt with pride; just don’t do it because you are trying to impress a guy. The power of feminism lies in the choices you make: getting to choose how you present yourself, without being guided by expectations of your particular gender is one of the principle ways you can harness your power. Today, when I wear a skirt, I can say proudly that I wear it only for me. Feeling confident and liking something that your so-called “oppressors” like isn’t bad just as long as you do it for yourself. Feminism is individuality, and confidence in your individuality is a sure way to gain respect.
2. Do what you want
This same notion also applies to the things you choose to read and watch. Go ahead! Leaf through People Magazine before bed, devour Keeping up with the Kardashians on Sunday nights and do it with pride. For a long time I worried deeply about the things I was surrounding myself with, fretting that somehow they were causing me to internalize negative stereotypes about my gender. However, I have realized that as long as I can back up why I like certain things and I know how to look past the “smog” put out by the media, it’s okay for me to be exposed to things that I like. I am proud to say that I have read every Sara Dessen book ever published because I know that the content of my character is more than the labels that reading books like that might give me. Also lucky for us ladies, there are now women in the media who are stepping out as strong role-models in the fight against our chauvinistic oppressors. Zooey Deschanel is a perfect example of this theory. New Girl star Deschanel, has often been called out for her girly clothing and attitude but nevertheless has confidently continued to be herself despite that. On her show she creates a strong-willed and righteous character with deeply rooted morals who also loves knitting and cupcakes. She lives in an apartment full of boys and acts like an equal nevertheless. Beginning to create an infrastructure of positivity in the media is the first step in breaking down misconceptions about feminism.
A feminist is simply an advocate for gender equality. Being a feminist does not mean you have to burn your bra, have short hair and dislike Beyoncé because she wears fishnets.
On that note, I have a few things to say:
To the girl who scoffed at me when I told her I loved wearing MAC make-up, I am not trying to hide my “true woman” by wearing makeup; I’m trying to allow her to be even more fabulous than I know she already is.
To the girl who says shaving your legs is submitting to male objectification, I say liking smooth legs is a personal choice but so is participating in my own version of “No-Shave November.” I do both for me, not for anyone else.
And finally to the friends who say He’s Just Not That Into You isn’t a masterful piece of emotional storytelling, I say nay. Romantic comedies provide a fictional reality which give reprieve from the harsh truths of the real world.
I am proud to call myself a feminist because I want to have equality enough to be confident in what I like and be satisfied with who I am.