I could write novels on this little thing called the hookup culture, but I will try to keep it as short and as sweet as possible.
There is a bounty of opinions associated with this millennial phenomenon of hooking up with as many people as you want while you still can, way too many to agree or counter. This is obviously written from a woman’s perspective and may seem biased but, it also is honest, maybe a little too honest. I don’t want a boyfriend, I don’t care about a lot of things I should, I’m way too confident for my own good, I have had my fair share of wins and losses but, there is something that deeply disturbs me about the progression of this “culture”.
To start off let me say, I understand. I understand that hooking up with people is enjoyable, hell it’s great; the combination of butterflies, confidence, and soothing words of affirmation make the experience thrilling and addicting, especially being oh so single and oh so fun.
No-strings-attached, friends with benefits, whatever you want to call it, is amazing…while it lasts.
Hooking up with multiple people at the same time offers experience, options, entertainment, and someone to constantly text but, it also calls for games, manipulation, and frustration.
The hookup culture has dominated modern dating and is an exhausting mixture of who can care less and who can ignore texts the longest; this can only go on for so long.
No one wants to be single forever, or I hope not; so no matter how hard we fight it, it’s only natural to want more. My favorite three words are “I don’t care” and I have been told I don’t have feelings but, the hookup culture leaves me holding a glass half-empty.
It’s no secret that hookups don’t last forever, whether we want them to or not, and the imminent spiral to heartache occurs as the butterflies turn to anxiety, the confidence turns to self-doubt, and the words of affirmation turn to silence.
I’m not saying this happens 100% of the time, but it does happen…a lot.
We meet someone interesting, exceptionally charming, funny, and commonly with a “player” title and agree to hook up with them because “why not? We’re single!” We might continue to talk for a little after but ultimately it becomes an “I don’t know, we just kind of stopped talking”.
We won’t admit this, but many women rationalize that hooking up will magically make boys want a relationship: we were the exception, everything they’ve been looking for and missing.  Even if you don’t want a relationship, this could feel like quite the accomplishment. This is a rarity and something we need to stop assuming and hoping for.
It irritates me the most because this “culture” makes women feel inadequate; as if something is wrong with us. No matter your stance on relationships, to accept the hookup culture is to accept a lack of respect.
To give you an example, I met someone a few months ago. He was cute, fun, goofy and made me the same. He told me I was unlike anyone else (which I am), beautiful (which I am), and he could see himself being with me (obviously). He was trouble and I knew it but, didn’t want anything serious so we talked and hung out for a few weeks and didn’t hook up. I respected myself enough to know I wanted to be bought pizza before I let anything happen. Regardless of my actions, he would still booty call me almost every night. It was annoying because I felt disrespected when I had no reason to be. I mean come on; nothing says “I respect you” like a 2 am “come over” text……
After a week of this and my refusal to come over, my confidence (as you can see I have a lot) dissolved to me questioning what I did wrong, what I did to deserve to be treated this way. I was genuinely convinced he must’ve thought I didn’t respect myself so he didn’t need to do the same. Then a guy friend of mine said the most enlightening thing, “it isn’t you, this kid doesn’t respect any woman, no matter who it is, except maybe his mother”.
Seems so obvious, yet I was taken back. I was shocked that some guy I actually do not care about affected me in such a way; I stopped talking to him after that.
No one should ever treat you or make you feel like you are anything less than extraordinary.
Someone participating in the hookup culture doesn’t respect anyone, not even themselves; this applies to girls too. I’ve had friends tell me they enjoy the hookup culture because they can “do what guys do” and get away with it but that is quite ignorant. Slut-shaming is still a major issue and sadly, women can’t do anything without being called a slut, crazy, or clingy.
I’ve thought about it from a guy’s perspective too and annoyingly, I get it. You’re twenty-something and single, what else are you going to do? You have the rest of your life to be settled down and dating results in either breaking up or getting married and neither of those sounds appealing, right?
But boys, if you take anything from this article, understand that women aren’t always plotting to get you to date them. We’re fine hooking up, we just would like to be treated with the respect we deserve and we will do the same for you.
I don’t know if blaming the hookup culture is the right thing to do, but I can’t help it. It is the constant in my friends’ and my frustrations and tears.
All I can say is we can’t change anyone, we can’t make people act a certain way or say what we want but, we can stop accepting and more importantly, settling for the hookup culture and allowing people to get away with treating us like we’re ordinary. I know it is easier said than done, but we can start with ourselves and resist wasting our precious time with insignificant people who make us question everything, especially our self-worth.