While others may enjoy the thrill of hayrides, haunted houses, scary movies, and the like, I prefer to stay far away from all that hullabaloo. Because honestly, I’m not really comfortable with the idea of VOLUNTARILY getting on a big, creaky, metal cart for people to jump on and scare the living daylights out me. It must be hardwired in our brains like vanilla or chocolate, roller coasters or kiddy swings, scare-seeker or scared-y cat. For those of you who are the latter, I feel you! Needless to say, Halloween is not our favorite holiday.
You want me to dress up in an uncomfortable costume, walk around in the cold, just to get candy? Psh, that already sounds like too much work…and that’s before the costume parties you want me to go to (for each I have to wear a different costume?). Thanks, but no thanks. I’d rather waste my calories on brownies and ice cream in the warmth of my bed watching Frozen.
Scariness aside, what fun is Halloween anyway? What’s in it for me? Candy and the inevitable cold I’ll get from being out in the cold? Think about it logically: for Christmas, you get presents and some old, fat guy drops them off right in your house! How considerate of him! Now that’s my kind of holiday.
Let’s talk about this whole “Getting scared is so much fun!” thing for a second. I’m afraid of the dark on a regular day. I can’t even take the garbage out at night because then the people jump out of the trash cans and KILL YOU! (Don’t make fun, because when the headline reads, “Teenage Girl Killed by Garbage Pail Person,” you’ll be sorry).
Obviously, scary movies are not my favorite thing. I had nightmares from The Dark Night. I don’t care if The Grudge is a fictional entity! When I’m lying in my pitch black room alone at night, that rationale doesn’t make me feel better!
There is a haunted hayride in the field next to my house. Growing up, come the end of September, we could hear the music playing at night. I never had any interest in partaking in this activity, particularly because the guy dressed up in a gorilla costume (Why a gorilla? I have no idea) standing on the side of the road as an advertisement scared the bejeezus out of me every time I drove past it. However, when I was in sixth grade, my friend held her birthday party on the haunted hayride and I was obliged to attend. Long story short, when the guy jumped on the cart behind me, I fell to the floor. When he came at me with his chainsaw, I kicked him. Repeatedly.
So no, I did not go on the SPC Fright Fest trip, watch their showing of Deliver Us from Evil, or attend the Headless Horseman spooktacular. No, not me. I was snuggled in my bed, watched an innocent Disney movie…with ALL THE LIGHTS ON.