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Her Story: How to Cope with Losing a Friend

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Pitt chapter.

If you turn on any news station at this very moment, stories of tragedy and loss will most likely fill your screen. House fires, rape, robbery, and even murder. The faces of these victims come on the screen, and you can’t help but be thankful that you don’t know these people – that you’re not feeling their pain or mourning a loss. However, what do you do when you can say that you know the person in those pictures? 

“When you hear the name Brendan Tevlin, what do you think? Do you think brother? Son? Godson? Grandson? Nephew? Friend? Classmate? Teammate? The guy who pre-sets all the radio buttons in your car to the country music station? Or possibly even the ‘The Life of the Party.’” Michaela Tevlin lost her brother in one of the most tragic ways possible this past summer, yet wanted nothing more than to celebrate his life at the time of his death and continues to do so today. Her eulogy for her brother, quoted above, impacted those crowded in the small, sweltering church in June, and it still continues to reach thousands of people across the web.

Brendan was nineteen when he was shot and killed as he was driving home from a friend’s house at the end of June. He was minding his own business, driving home in his Jeep Liberty, on a road that he traveled on daily. He had so much more of life to live. He was the brother to three younger siblings, Michaela, Brian, and Sean, a son to two loving parents, Allison and Michael, and a friend to an overwhelming amount of people across the country. His obituary lists his endless amount of accomplishments – he was a lacrosse player, bagpipe player, maintained a 4.0 all four years of high school, surfed at the Jersey shore in the summer
 the list goes on. Though he didn’t think he had made an impact on the world, as stated in his college essay, Michaela noted in her eulogy that he sure as hell was wrong. 

People of all ages, hometowns, and relations with Brendan waited hours to enter his wake. It was held at his alma mater, Seton Hall Prepatory School, in West Orange, New Jersey at the end of June. Brendan brought people together to celebrate his life, and his spirit continues to live on today. 

‘Good Vibes & Easy Living Remembering Brendan Tevlin’ is a Facebook group that was created by Brendan’s cousins, Michael Condon and Lauren McNulty with the help of Brendan’s sister, Michaela Tevlin. The group has accumulated over 7,800 members and is still growing. It is posted in often, both by members that were close to Brendan and people that have never met him, but were greatly impacted by his story. What started as a group to make people aware of the services for Brendan turned into something much more. Brendan’s cousin Michael said that, “We felt like we needed to do something, so we started with the Facebook group. Brendan’s own personal saying was ‘Good Vibes & Easy Living’ and so that is where we got the name of the group.”

Eventually people started posting pictures, memories, videos, and condolences. It has now grown to post donation opportunities, t-shirt sales, events, and for people all over the country and even world to see what is happening. The website set up for Brendan allows visitors to donate to Brendan’s memorial fund, which was started by Brendan’s father, Michael Tevlin along with his uncles, Doug McNulty and Patrick Tevlin. The money that is donated goes to Brendan’s alma mater, Seton Hall Prep. The website also allows visitors to buy t-shirts that feature a shamrock with Brendan’s initials in it and an illustration of Brendan on the back, along with his saying “Good vibes and easy living.” Currently, over $30,000 has been raised due to t-shirt, wristband, and magnet sales in Brendan’s name.

A twitter account exists, @GV_EL_BPT, created by Brendan’s cousin Michael and sister Michaela. It posts about events or any news that they want people to know. The twitter account currently consists of pictures relating to Brendan accompanied by quotes in order to continue spreading Brendan’s positive vibes, which are provided by Brendan’s family and friends. 

Brendan was a friend, someone I knew. 

He attended high school at Seton Hall Preparatory School in West Orange, New Jersey, which is an all-boys Catholic high school. My all-girls Catholic high school, Mount Saint Dominic Academy in Caldwell, New Jersey, considered Seton Hall to be a brother school. My close-knit group of friends and I were friends with Brendan and his close-knit group, and we spent a lot of time together during high school.             

Though everyone went off to different colleges last fall, with Brendan going to the University of Richmond, Brendan still had and continues to have a collective impact on myself and my close friends. We find ourselves thinking of him often, even looking for others, no matter where we are, that wear the same red, white and blue bracelet with Brendan’s signature quote, “Good vibes and easy living”. When we see something, like a shirt or picture that reminds us of Brendan’s ‘good vibes’, we always share it with each other because we know that the closeness of our friendship is like the friendship Brendan and his Seton Hall friends share, though Brendan’s friends are endless. 

One of my best friends and a friend of Brendan’s, Kerry Masucci, is just one of so many people that spreads Brendan’s story. She constantly finds herself talking about Brendan’s story to people because she wants people to know how great of a person he was, and how tragically his death affected so many people around us. She also finds herself talking about memories of our friends and thinks back to them, noting that Brendan was with us when they happened. It makes her happy because she hopes he loves those memories too and cherishes it in heaven, like we cherish it here on earth. She can explain in detail the night that they first met sophomore year of high school. Her memories with Brendan continue to the end of our senior year, when a group of us rented a house down the shore and stayed there for a weekend. Kerry took on the role of the mom of the house, and Brendan was always there to help clean and calm her down.

Everyone that has ever come in contact with Brendan can honestly say that he was the source of putting a smile on their faces. He was never a negative person, and his being reflected this.

Brendan’s name has been talked about by many news stations, and countless articles can be found just by searching ‘Brendan Tevlin.’ But one of the most touching and heart-felt media displays for Brendan comes from Todd Pettengil, a radio disc jokey on 95.5 PLJ New York. Pettengil had a tribute for Brendan on the radio station days after Brendan’s passing. He decided that more needed to be done for Brendan, so on the morning of September 10, Pettengil spoke on behalf of Brendan and his family. 

“I simply don’t feel as if I’ve done or said everything I can or want to,” Pettengil explained as he started his eight minute devotion to Brendan. His radio speech led to the use of hashtag #BrendanTevlin on September 11, which was used approximately 1,139,200 times. #BrendanTevlin was a trending topic on Twitter in the United States on September 12.

On October 7, Brendan’s mother Allison announced through the Facebook group that Seton Hall Prep would name its main athletic field at the Kelly Athletic Complex center Brendan Patrick Tevlin ’13, not only in honor of Brendan but for other alumnus as well. Brendan’s hometown also announced the naming of one of its fields after Brendan. One of Brendan’s last wishes was to have a pick-up lacrosse game. With the renaming of these fields, young players can now play on fields named after someone they can aspire to live life like, always with good vibes and easy living.

Michaela describes her brother’s overall impact on everyone around him: “As smart as Brendan was I really don’t think he had a clue. I don’t think Brendan had a clue that he didn’t just impact his family and friends lives tremendously but every single person he had ever encountered.” She couldn’t be more right. 

Brendan’s death was, and still is to this day, beyond impossible to understand. He was my age, someone I knew, and killed in a place that many of my friends encountered every day without giving it a second thought. Attending his services was heartbreaking, but the fact that they were held in order to celebrate his short lived, yet accomplish-filled life was fitting because of the person that Brendan was. He deserved nothing more than to be celebrated and to have people across the world who didn’t even know Brendan passing along his story. It could have been your friend, your sibling, your cousin, the boy that lives down the hall from you. Bottom line is: never take your life for granted, because nothing in life is guaranteed. Let Brendan’s life be a shining example of how to live your own life to the fullest.

(Brendan, left, pictured with the author, second one in from the right)

Photo Credits: All pictures come from Facebook and Michael Condon 

Hi! I'm Jessie and I am currently dual majoring in communication and non-fiction writing at The University of Pittsburgh. I am also the Senior Editor for Pitt's Her Campus! I emulate everything Carrie Bradshaw and can watch Breakfast At Tiffany's everyday for the rest of my life. You can usually find me blasting country music a little too loud while wearing a floppy hat.
Hi! My name is Amanda and I am one of the new Campus Correspondents for HC Pitt and am absolutely loving it! Helping others with advice about their articles and getting to read amazing stories has been so rewarding. I love writing about topics that make people's days just a little cheerier! Her Campus has been a wonderful experience for me over the past four years. I get to work with an amazing team every day and could not be more grateful. As a senior, looking back from where I started with Her Campus, I see how much it's changed me and all of the great friends I've made from it too. Saying HC is one of the best things that has happened to me during my college career would be an understatement! I really love how much it has grown and how much others have benefitted from their experience with our organization. HCXO <3