You were together for months, you thought you were going steady- but in a second everything flips. You’re left feeling like an overused football kicked away at the park, shortly to be forgotten. In the land of break-ups, it seems to be all too common an excuse. “I’m just not ready for a relationship yet”… “But we’ve been in a relationship for a year already.” There is no reply. The male mind can be a mystery, and whilst it’s beyond even us at Her Campus to understand why men make the decisions they do, we can help with some handy tips for getting over the guy you thought was so special.
Everyone has their own techniques for dealing with the switch to single life. Asking around campus, there seemed to be some common trends. One of the big difficulties was how to get over someone who you see all the time- we all love our beautiful campus, but it does make bumping into people slightly more common! The huge downer of the first semester break-up tradition is that you then have to endure the awkward run-ins with your ex, his friends, or even his possible future partners, on campus or around Nottingham. So what do you do?
As tempting as it is to employ Bridget Jones’ dual dating technique of Messrs Ben and Jerry while screeching “all by myseeeeeeelf!” at the top of your lungs, this will only result in overwhelming feelings of guilt and self-loathing. Plus your neighbours will probably be less than thankful for the ruckus. Binge drinking might also seem appealing, but is probably one of the most harmful things you can do. Not only is it bad for your mental state, if you’re looking to show your ex what he’s missing, there is nothing more repellent than the smell of vodka, stale vomit and desperation.
Having said that, we also wouldn’t recommend that you retreat indoors, swathed in a onesie and bed-bound without food and alcohol. Being single is about making new memories with different people. Instead of seeing single life as a one-way ticket to spinsterhood, see it as an opportunity to reaffirm the other relationships in your life.
“It was only when I was dumped that I realised how much I’d been missing out on with my other friends,” says a 3rd year Theology student. “There are times now when I just nod and smile when my friends talk about things that happened last year, because they’ve forgotten that I wasn’t there because I was with [my boyfriend].” Well, here’s your opportunity! Spend time with your friends; they’re on your side, they’ll make you smile and they care about you. You couldn’t surround yourself with better.
If your friends are anything like ours, then the phrase ‘there’s plenty more fish in the sea’ will be chucked around like chicken feed on a farm. You can’t help but think that they’re wrong. They don’t know what it’s like; your relationship was different to anything they’ve ever had. But as time goes on, you begin to wonder… is there? Is there really more fish in the sea? (Clue: Yes, always.)
You can take baby steps in the Crisis pond, or you can head straight to the Big O on a Friday night, where the familiar spectacle will await you; guys drooling like Pavlov’s dogs on the outskirts of the dance floor where girls make their best drunken attempts to look like Beyoncé as opposed to Miley at the VMAs. The simple answer is yes, there are plenty more guys out there, just waiting for you to seize the moment. Of course, getting a guy isn’t necessarily the hard part- what do you do when you’ve got him? Will it make you feel better?
The answers to these questions depend entirely on you as an individual. You’re a student, so now is the time to experiment and sleep around if you want to. Uni is a place with minimal judgment – better now than dropping your skirt at thirty every time you visit the office photocopier.
But only do it if you’re ready. We wouldn’t advise using sex as a means of getting back at somebody, for example. A fourth year Law student, who lives with her ex, told us that “the biggest worry I have is when he goes out… I’m constantly thinking what is he doing and is he with another girl?” This may be the case, but it is also no reason for you to sleep with someone else, just to get in there first and settle some kind of invisible score.
The most important thing about ‘getting under someone else’ is that you are ready for it, and that in doing so you remember how much you are worth. You don’t have to look for a new, serious romance- sometimes a chance fling can be a great opportunity to create new memories with another person, and find things out about yourself. The best advice I’ve ever been given was that I should see being single as a chance to rediscover the things I lost about myself and to remember that, as sure as there was a life before him, you will have a life after him as well.
References:
http://www.onlife.co.il/סגנון/יופי-אמיתי/53270/יומנה-של-ברידגט-גונס-מסוכן-לבריאות-שלנו
http://www.walesonline.co.uk/whats-on/whats-on-news/quiz-20-years-after-began-7125035
http://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-over-your-ex-boyfriend/
Edited by Nicole Jones