“I’d tap that. Ahh nevermind she’s probably so loose after f*cking that black guy.”-A guy friend from high school.
“Shaved or not, going down on a woman is disgusting.”-A college graduate
“Ladies, you need to watch how much skin you show when you go out, or guys will assume things about you.”-My female professor
These are just a few of the phrases I have heard within the last couple weeks that have offended me. I’d like to say that I retorted with a nerdy-voiced exposition on the myths of vaginal looseness, or responded to the second statement with “Good luck getting that in return when you’re that closeminded.” But I didn’t. I was silent. I didn’t ask about the double standard of why that girl was considered a slut for having sex with her longtime boyfriend, when this guy has obviously had more sexual partners than her. I didn’t tell the second guy that women’s bodies (the same bodies he was talking about wanting to have sex with minutes earlier) aren’t disgusting or inherently unhygienic. I didn’t ask my professor what these men would assume about me. That I am comfortable with my body? That I have had many sexual partners? That if I get raped, it’s my own fault? And I should have.
But… I was afraid of looking obnoxious. I was afraid of guys not wanting to hang out with me anymore. I was afraid of looking like a feminist.
And I shouldn’t have been afraid to speak up, because what is feminism? It’s the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
And I’d like to take that a step further. Not only do I want to live somewhere where I have the same rights and job opportunities, I’d like women and men to treat each other with respect.
This means women should be able to run around their neighborhood without being yelled or honked at.
This means that men shouldn’t be judged based on the size of their genitals.
This means women should be able to wear whatever they want without fear or judgment.
This means men should be able to show their emotions without being told they are less of a man.
When I was in middle school, there were six girls in my Sunday School class. Two of these girls had been raped. One in a high school bathroom. The other at a friend’s house. Two of the other girls had been molested as children. I felt like I was the lucky one. These women are what I think of when I hear people say that the “1 in 4 statistic” is false. I know it’s true because I’ve seen it happen right before my eyes to women I care about.
And going along with this equality, let’s not forget that an estimated 16% of males are sexually abused before the age of 18. Sometimes we forget that men can be our best friends, our husbands, or fellow victims. Just yesterday I saw this post on an Appstate facebook group.
“Guys it is our responsibility as GUYS to protect our ladies if you see something that is not right do something about it and if they are your friends walk them home…there are some messed up people in Boone attacking women and enough is enough… if you need someone to walk you home my number is 336-505-7259 and i don’t ever mind making sure you get home safe.”
Now that is a statement I can get behind.
From now on I will do my best to follow this man’s lead and stand up for my fellow ladies. I apologize for not standing up for you before. My whole life I have been surrounded by good, respectful men, including my dad, my brother, and boyfriends. Just because I’m one of the “lucky” ones, that doesn’t exempt me from caring about equality, sexual assault, or continuing to praise men like the one above that is doing his best to protect his fellow man or in this case…woman.
Images:
http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/apology-letter-25313114.jpg
http://michelleleighwrites.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/gender-equality.jpg