If drunk words are really sober thoughts, then we better stop thinking when we’re sober or talking when we’re drunk. Sometimes when we have one too many drinks, we get sick… with word vomit. Lots and lots of word vomit. These 19 things are almost guaranteed to come out of our mouths after that extra Long Island Iced Tea, but that doesn’t mean we actually mean them… right?
1. “This is my song!”
When girls drink, every song speaks to our souls on a spiritual level. Kesha just has a way with words after a few vodka tonics, ya know?
2. “We made it!”
We feel a great sense of accomplishment when we make it back alive from a night at the bar. “We made it“? Made it through what? Was there some sort of Vodka Apocalypse?
3. “Best night EVER!”
Apparently it doesn’t take much, because every night out seems like it’s the best four hours of our natural-born life.
4. “I need food NOW!”
Once we’ve hit our drinking limit, we suddenly act like we haven’t been fed since we came out of the womb. We don’t care what or how; we want food now. (But preferably Taco Bell or McDonald’s. Pizza works, too.)
5. “I’m not that drunk.”
We like to think telling people that we aren’t that drunk creates some sort of an illusion. Ironically enough, the drunker we are, the more we say it.
6. “You’re so hot / I love your outfit / I wish I was you.”
When we’re drunk, we feel it’s our civic duty to make all girls feel good, so we overextend our compliments and hand them out to everyone who walks by.
7. “I’m gonna make out with him tonight!”
Sometimes we overestimate our interest in a guy and make him our primary goal for the night, no matter what it takes. Then we get overly aggressive and he just runs away. Oops.
8. “SHOTS!”
If we’re feeling really nice, we’ll even buy the round.
9. “Everybody hates me.”
For whatever reason, we take everything personally when we’re drinking. Our friends leave us to go to the bathroom and we instantly feel like the abandoned troll no one wants to be friends with.
10. “You know what we should do…?”
Every idea we have seems like a really great idea – that is, until we do it and realize the next morning that it was in fact a really bad idea. “Whose brilliant idea was it to make waffles in the fireplace?”
11. “Guys, I lost my ____.”
It starts with IDs, keys and phones; then, it quickly progresses to us losing shoes and friends.
12. “Why did I wear these stupid shoes?”
Even though we took them off six blocks ago, we’re still going to complain about them. We even boldly and solemnly swear that we’re wearing New Balance tennis shoes out next time.
13. “You’re, like, my best friend.”
We’ll say it to everyone: the bouncer, the random girls in the bathroom, the pizza delivery man. We just love everyone!
14. “I have to tell you a secret…”
We suddenly find ourselves very interesting when we’re drunk. We feel the need to tell everyone about the time we peed our pants in seventh grade or the weird third-nipple deformity we were born with. Or we just keep our secrets to ourselves and spill other people’s secrets. “Did you know Brittany peed her pants in seventh grade and has a third nipple? But you didn’t hear it from me.”
15. “We need a picture!”
Because the other 172 pictures from the night just won’t suffice.
16. “I’m gonna call/text him.”
Because there couldn’t be a more perfect time to call our ex and tell him his new girlfriend is ugly.
17. “I hate boys.”
It turns out that not only do we hate them when we’re sober, but also when we’re drunk. Except when we’re drunk, we aren’t afraid to tell them. Like, really tell them…
18. “I don’t even care.”
When we’re drunk, there are very few things that phase us. Our purse got stolen? Good, screw the purse. Who needs a phone, an ID or apartment keys?
19. “*screaming*”
When we run out of things to say, we scream. A lot.