This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Stonehill chapter.

Major and Minor: Currently undeclared due to a fear of commitment. Considering declaring an English Major and Theatre Minor.

Hometown: Pittsfield, MA. Fun fact about Pittsfield, it’s the home of the first death of an on-duty secret service agent! This was due to a collision between Teddy Roosevelt and a trolley, and Teddy Roosevelt almost assaulted the other driver. The more you know!

Activities on Campus: Stonehill Theatre Company, Goose Troupe, Wandering the Halls of Villa in my Slippers

A quote to remember you by: “In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” – Douglas Adams. I didn’t say this, obviously, but I think it’s pretty cool.

Please give our readers some tips on how to properly a shirt.

I find the best way to iron a shirt is to do it moments before you’re leaving for class or a meeting. There’s nothing quite like the rush of nearly missing class to remove some wrinkles on a sweater. Thrill seekers should give this a try!

Rutherford B. Hayes or James K. Polk and why?

Gotta give it to Hayes. Polk rocked the mullet long before Billy Ray Cyrus graced our radios with his hit “Achy Breaky Heart,” but you could hide an infant sized football in Hayes’ beard. Did I use that apostrophe correctly? Maybe you should delete that thing about being an English major. That could come back to haunt me!

Describe STC in two words.

“Theatre,” “Company.”

What is your favorite ABBA song?

I’m really fond of that one that goes da-da-da-dada-da-badada-boom. I can’t remember the name of it, but you know what I mean.

Please describe the significance of the Cheesecake Factory.

I was actually born in a Cheesecake Factory. Just kidding, that would be ridiculous. The great thing about the Cheesecake Factory is that it is actually not a factory, but is instead of temple, a sacred shrine to cheesecake. One minute you’re in Macy’s, the next you’re Indiana Jones in the Kingdom of the Slice of Cheesecake To-Go. I first went to the Cheesecake Factory one year, two months, and 6 days ago. Since becoming a student at Stonehill, I’ve dined there at least a dozen times. I’m hoping that soon they’ll pay me to do endorsements. A boy can dream!

If you could play any character in any play or musical who would you play?

As anybody who knows me knows, I have seen nearly every play and musical ever written, and some that have only been thought of. So it’s really hard to narrow it down. But for you and your readers, I will give it my best try. I’d really love to play something like a tree. Anybody can play a human character, but it takes true dedication to stand on a stage for extended periods of time holding branches.

List the 3 most important qualities of a good snapchat.

1. You need to take a picture of something important and meaningful to your snapchat audience. Audience identification is key! Nobody cares about your grilled cheese, so please do not send it to everyone on your friends list.

2. It needs crude drawings, like a large circle around the subject of the photo, or drawing devil horns on your friends.

3. Caption it accurately. If you send me a picture of a dog and you write “Happy to be home!” I get bamboozled and my day lowers in quality.

Also, everyone should add me on snapchat, and follow me on twitter, both thedylanturner. ‘Cause I’m the only one! (Besides the others.)

Dream job?

Reality show star. It just fits me perfectly. I’m really interesting at all times, and I think America is ready for my unique perspective.

If you could have a dance party with 5 celebrities who would it be and why?

1. “Weird Al” Yankovic – This may come as a shock (to nobody), but Weird Al had a large influence on my development as a youth. So anytime I could invite a celebrity to anything, he’s gotta be the first one.

2. Ellen Degeneres – She’s just so cool, and we have similar wardrobes. And who doesn’t want to dance with Ellen, right?

3. Joe Biden – What a jokester. I’d love to party with the VP. He could teach me his secrets to being such a smooth operator, like the Yoda to my Luke Skywalker, the Socrates to my Plato.

4. Socrates – Something tells me that with Socrates there, I will not be the worst dancer present.

5. Jason Turner – He’s not technically a celebrity, but he’s my brother, so I guess he’s a celebrity by association. He’s a really good dancer, and we look alike, so I could leave the room briefly and then come back and switch places and people would be so impressed with me.

Describe the conversation you would have if you were sitting next to John Stamos on a 5 hour plane ride.

I’d probably just curse about his jet-black hair and winning smile. Funny story, for two years in a row I ran a campaign for John Stamos to be my school’s prom king. Unfortunately for me, the system did not allow it. Also, why is it we vote for prom king? A king is not an elected official. We need to change it. I suggest we name it Prom Minister.

Dylan Turner ’17

We wanna slide into your DMs