Spring of your senior year of High School is an exciting time. All your friends are choosing where they’ll spend the next four years, and so are you. The excitement is unbearable because you just can’t wait to get to college. You click “join” on that “American University Class of 20______” group, or which ever school you’re attending. What you don’t know, however, is who’s in that group. So this is a list of people that you’re likely to encounter on said group’s page.
1.The kid that’s looking for the party
This kid just can’t wait to get to college. You and I both know that once this kid sets foot on campus, there’s no going back. The hashtags #turndownforwhat and #tooturnt were made for this kid. It’s only May and he or she is already posting in the Facebook group, “Where’s the best party at!? Can’t wait to turn up!” Watch out for this kid though, because come December, when the first round of finals roll around, instead of #turndownforwhat this kid is going to be the poster child for #itstimetoturndown.
2. The know it all
This kid has all the answers and knows all about the university. Their parents probably went here or they hold some sort of legacy status. Or this could just be their absolute dream school. Either way, if your school had jeopardy, this kid would win the daily double. Want to know the exact time of day the university was found? This kid knows! Famous alums? He or she can list them all by graduation year. This kid is destined to be a tour guide, hell, they were born to be a tour guide at this school because they just know so damn much.
3. The roommate searcher
If you haven’t already noticed, the smell of desperation of finding that perfect roommate is in the air. This kid posts the typical message of:
“My name is blah blah blah…I’m looking for a roommate…I like long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners….blah blah blah…message me if interested in rooming!”
This isn’t Match.com people, this is college. We’re all guilty of having made that dreadful post, but trust me, it doesn’t make a difference. You’re still going to show up on move-in day, standing across from a stranger who you’ve been told is your new living partner for the next year. So go ahead, make the post, the roommate spiel is all up to chance.
4. The President
This is AU so you are destined to have that one kid in the Facebook group who you know is going to be president one day. This kid is going places, places you never even daydreamed of going when you zoned out in AP Stat class. They are this close to just taking over the entire world, but for now, student government will do.
5. The kid who just doesn’t get it
We all know this kid. Hell, we were probably that kid. You know, that kid who has no clue when move-in day is…two days before move-in day. Honestly, you wonder how this kid made it this far. Classes? You have to pick those? They thought your advisors just handed a schedule when you got here. A roommate? What’s that? You have to live with someone else? Since when! Hopefully this kid isn’t your roommate, because if they are, get ready to answer tons of questions. And yes, you’ll have to answer all their stupid questions, because they really have no clue.
6. The kid that everyone wants to be friends with
We all want to be friends with this kid. Their newsfeed is filled with pictures of them backpacking through Europe, shaking hands with Morgan Freeman, and scuba diving with sharks off the coast of South Africa. Just having the luxury of this kid accepting your friend request is the most exciting thing ever. But stay calm, young grasshopper. If you really want to be friends with this kid, don’t try to impress them with your extensive knowledge of their trip to Australia this summer. That’s just borderline stalking.
7. The creepy kid who messages you
That one kid who messages you with the ambiguous “hey.” You respond back out of courtesy, because this is a future classmate. All of a sudden this whole conversation turns south when the kid starts asking you questions that are just a little too personal. You end the conversation faster than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.
8. The career guy
This kid is already looking for internships. They could already be in the middle of internship number four. Either way, this kid has done their research, and yes, you will feel incredibly behind the curve. This eager beaver just can’t wait to get started, and their hyper-enthusiasm is going to be one of the most annoying things you’ve ever encountered as you sit on your bed scrolling down your newsfeed eating a bag of Doritos. Don’t be surprised if by the end of your freshmen year this kid has had 40 internships.
9. The troll
The only thing you and this kid have in common is one mutual friend on Facebook. But that doesn’t stop them from liking all your photos on Facebook, or that one status about graduation day….two months ago…The best part is that once you get to campus in the fall, you’ll see this kid, and they won’t say two words to you. You stop for a minute and think to yourself, you liked one too many of my pictures on Facebook, but won’t even look me in the eye? It’s strange, yes, but that’s not going to stop them from hitting that ‘like’ button for that picture of you from middle school! #dointhecreep
10. The spammer
You get that little notification that someone has added you as their friend on Facebook, you accept, and you think, “no harm, no foul” right? Wrong. By accepting this request, you are just asking for ENDLESS statuses, wall posts, invites, etc. D.J. event tonight? Invited to that event. Mega blowout party in August? This kid already knows about it and has clicked “invite all” on the event page. You’re pretty sure this kid only added you as a friend just to get more followers for all the meaningless stuff they post. But hey, that one Friday night when you’ve got nothing to do after a day of lecture classes, you know just who to turn to!
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