The 12 Stages of Spring Weekend

Stage 1: The Countdown

Spring weekend is supposed to be the best weekend of the year, right? Day drinking, frolicking on Martyrs and free food! We’ve been looking forward to this since Halloween festivities ended. What could possibly go wrong?

Stage 2: The Disappointment

Cartel? Really, CAB? When I saw this announcement I felt like Leo after he realized he didn’t win an Oscar… again. Just disappointed and betrayed by my peers.

Stage 3: The Prep

Our livers have been preparing for this all semester, people. Puking is not an option. And if you do puke, you better be prepared to rally.

Stage 4: Kegs ‘n Eggs

Did you know, kegs ‘n eggs is actually latin for, “let’s drink an excessive amount of beer before 10 a.m. and find the nearest bacon, egg and cheese?” Look it up.

Stage 5: The Darty

Spring Weekend darties are the James Franco of day parties. Sunshine, tons of drinks, and we get to temporarily forget about our our plummeting GPA’s! Rage on, fellow Rams.

Stage 6: The Concert

The concert can be fun if you: A) actually like the bands perfoming (crickets…) B) are too drunk to care about (or realize) what’s going on OR C) want to enjoy the plethora of free food. Which brings me to my next stage….

Stage 7: The Hunger

Food, people. Free. Food. Food=Happiness. Happiness is the ultimate goal in life, right? Therefore, Pizza is life. I don’t make the rules.

Stage 8: The Nap

Spring weekend is basically 48 hours of excessive partying. So, in order to remain alive, you should take at least one nap. But, this nap should be followed by copious amounts of Red Bull. Make that vodka Red Bulls.

Stage 9: The Under the Tent Dance

This may be your only time to show off your dance moves to the entire Fordham community. Don’t be a wallflower. Twerk, moonwalk, whip out the Carlton. Get jiggy with it, my friends.

Stage 10: The Blur

Whether you end up at a house party or the bars, the rest of the night is pretty much a blur from that point on. Make sure you always have a buddy to keep from getting lost. And by buddy, I mean the guy you’re going home with.

Stage 11: The Hangover

Sunday after spring weekend might possibly be one of the worst hangovers you’ve ever encountered. Prepare your nightstand with water and Gatorade to help save your decomposing body. And if that doesn’t help, here’s the number for Pete’s delivery: (718) 733-7416.

Stage 12: The Pride

Whether it’s your first or final spring weekend, you’ve lived to tell the tale. So go ahead and post those Instagram pictures and tell everyone your pointless drunken memories. Fordham spring weekend outshines all other schools’, even if our bands do suck. Rejoice, fellow Rams. Rejoice.

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