You and your best girl friend are inseparable. Since grade school you found yourself buying matching necklaces, talking about getting married together, and growing old in the same city. Now you share a dorm room, grab meals together between classes, binge watch the same TV shows, and can be seen shopping and hitting up the local club scene on the weekends arm in arm.
Although this friendship may seem like a match made in heaven from the outside, your so-called “bestie” has been displaying some questionable behavior. In fact, her behavior is so questionable that maybe you’ve been questioning why you’re friends in the first place.
If you’ve been there, or are there now, then you’re not alone. Sometimes when you meet someone, your interests are so similar that you automatically proclaim yourself best friends forever. Sometimes you’ve been friends with someone for years, but as your friendship has grown, one or both of you have changed, and things just don’t feel the same anymore. Maybe you realize that the girl who loves and treats you like a goddess when you’re in the same room together talks trash about you behind your back. Or maybe your friendship started off at comfortable place, but you realize this friend of yours doesn’t understand your boundaries and begins to put you in uncomfortable situations.
People change. As your relationship grows and you get to know someone better, it suddenly hits you that you don’t have as much in common as you initially thought, or maybe things take a turn for the worse and you realize that your friendship is just a tool to make her life easier at her own convenience. Your best friend has now become your best frenemy, and you don’t know when it happened or how to fix things. Maybe you don’t want to fix things, and are having a hard time letting that person go.
From a young age us girls are presented with the idea that best friends forever is a done deal. I am here to tell you that it’s not. There is no eternal promise or blood relation that holds you to this person, and there should be no shame in letting go of someone who hurts you, or who you cannot stand to be with anymore. A best frenemy is no use to anyone, and will cause problems down the road if you do not address them now.
My first best frenemy appeared in middle school, but it wasn’t until high school when I realized how truly hurt I was by her. We had met in English class and became fast friends. I quickly introduced her to my best girlfriend from elementary school and for months we were an inseparable trio. Then it happened. A boy in school started a rumor that my best friend from elementary school and I were lesbian lovers. I was devastated, and when I tried to defend myself I asked for support from my new best friend. She didn’t say anything. She ignored me and isolated me from my other girlfriends, some of which speculated that she had started the rumor in the first place.
At first I didn’t realize this because I was isolating myself as well. Kids were making fun of me and I was scared of everyone. But when high school came around I had a fresh start and decided to rekindle my relationship with this girl. I quickly realized I had made a mistake. She was self-absorbed and made rude remarks about me every time I received attention from a boy. Apparently my friendship was only worth her time if she could be the center of attention. Over the next several years I ended up losing friends to her and went on to make friends with new girls. She ended high school with one girl friend and an army of boys who were nothing more than her play toy.
We all deserve a best friend that treats us with the same love and care we give them, and sometimes, like in my case, people cannot give us that love. We just need to realize that these kinds of friendships are built over time and as wonderful as they may be initially, they will never be perfect. If you have a best friend turned best frenemy, see what you can do to change that status to back to best friend. Or maybe you are the unsuspected best frenemy. Friendships are a two-way street. Each side needs to be properly paved and have correct signage for a smooth journey. Â
Before deciding to end a relationship, take time to truly evaluate the role of both participants. Maybe you need to change the way you treat your bestie, or maybe she needs to do the same for you. If you truly are best friends like you dubbed yourselves from day one, then change may take place effortlessly. Otherwise, a respectful and honest goodbye may be the best thing you can do.