Intimate Encounters: Can This Be Over Already?

I’ve had my fair share of bad sex. How to deal with it varies from person to person. I’m a pretty easy going person, so maybe it’s taking him a while to get into it, or maybe he’s nervous. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. I also like hoping that my night isn’t going to be a total waste and it’ll pick up as we keep going. Sometimes that happens. More often than not, though, if it starts out poorly it’s not going anywhere. So, what do you do while you’re in missionary and not really feeling it? I go one of two ways.

Option One: Switch it up. Maybe he’s bad on top. You get on top. Or try a myriad of different positions. Find something that works, and when it does, tell him that you want to keep doing that for a while. At this point he’s seen you naked. Don’t feel ashamed of being honest about what’s working for you. Communication=essential. I’ve been with guys who have no idea what they’re doing when I’m on top, but when we find something new, they’re geniuses at it. I have a term called “star fishing.” It’s when you lay there with your four limbs out and your head kind of lolling to one side and just stare blankly at the ceiling. This guy I used to hook up with would star fish every single time I was on top. Dude. Work with me a little here. But once I suggested doggy style, he was much more proactive. Almost everyone is inherently good at sex, you just have to draw the tricks out of the bag sometimes.

Option Two: Leave. I’m not kidding. Life is way too short for bad sex. If you’re too polite to tell a guy that he’s bad in bed, make up an excuse, start crying, go to bathroom and fake getting your period (yes, I have done all three of these), anything. If you’ve exhausted your options and he’s just not working out for you, you are not bound to stick around. “Oh but that’s such a slutty move! What kind of lady leaves mid-coitus!” A lady who respects her vagina and isn’t about wasting it. I know this sounds harsh. And sometimes, it isn’t the guy. If the right chemistry isn’t there, or you’re exhausted and not feeling it, or whatever else might be going on, you have every right, nay, responsibility, to high tail it out of there. Please, whatever you do, don’t just sit there and pretend to enjoy it until he finishes. What’s the point of women being sexually active then? We aren’t vessels for the men to get off in (or on, I’m not judging). But if you aren’t enjoying yourself it kind of seems pointless. You might as well have stayed home with a pint of Half Baked and Will and Grace re-runs.