At Notre Dame, Rings by Spring are a tradition, but that doesn’t necessarily mean engagements only occur during the warmer seasons. Odds are, if you’ve logged onto Facebook recently, someone on your newsfeed has gotten engaged or is congratulating a lucky couple. The holidays are a very common time for people to be getting engaged. But engagements can be equally terrifying and exciting. You may feel suddenly left behind or perhaps your left hand just got a bit heavier. Or you might have no idea what to say to a recently engaged friend. Regardless of your situation, there’s no reason to fret. Whether you just received a beautiful ring, are facing a new in-law, suddenly have to help your best friend plan her wedding, or are simply feeling overwhelmed by the news from your friends, here’s a bit of advice on how to deal:
If you are recently engaged:
Congratulations! You’re undoubtedly excited, as you should be. You found the one! And now you’re taking a big step towards spending time what that one! Keep in mind that while your friends are happy for you and many of them want to hear exactly where and how he proposed (and to see your ring too, of course), some of your friends may be quieter about it. In some cases, they just don’t know how to react. Engagements represent a new phase of life and the definitive break between single childhood and larger adult commitments so don’t be upset if people don’t respond perfectly or promptly. Some people might be shocked that their friend matured faster and found a life partner. Others might become keener of their own singleness and appear vaguely jealous. While you should be cognizant of friends who display this kind of hesitancy or jealously, don’t let them get you down. It’s not a reflection of you or your worth in your friendship, some people can just be…kind of awkward. Just be mindful of others’ current predicaments and be gracious and humble about your joy. Above all, don’t let anyone spoil your happiness. And remember: the people who love and care about you the most will be your biggest supporters. Be sure to keep your ring polished and your smile ready!
If your friend or sibling just got engaged:
You may be feeling all manner of things! You could be thrilled at the new addition of an in-law or you could think your sibling is out of his or her mind. Or maybe your best friend just got engaged and you’re trying to decide whether the new fiancé is worthy of your other half. Regardless of how you feel about the situation, be polite. You should acknowledge the engagement and offer congratulations. However—and this is a rare case—share your misgiving if and only if you’re very close with the person in question. If you have any serious misgivings that are genuinely founded, you may want to take a quiet moment to pull your friend or sibling aside and tell them. Likely, this won’t go terribly well. But if you’re super close to this person and genuinely believe that they absolutely should consider a few things before rushing into engagement territory, let them know. It’s unfortunate for an engagement to be called off, but it would be far worse to let someone you love make a big mistake or get hurt. Hopefully, you’ll be as overjoyed as the happy couple and can engage in wedding gossip and plans, but if not, don’t feel like you’re an awful person for not feeling as excited as the new bride and groom-to-be.
Things to remember about engagements:
If you’re single, there is no reason to let engagements make you feel lonely or behind in any way. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying being single right now. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a freshman that’s newly on your own or a senior who just hasn’t met that perfect guy; you’re young, you’re beautiful and you have your whole life ahead of you, there’s no reason to be in a hurry. Give it some time, your dream guy may be waiting for you in your CSEM in January, at your future job next year, down the street from your new home, or on the train. Be happy with who you are right now, your freedom, and the amazing friends you have in your life. There’s no need to have it all “figured out.”
Regardless of your relationship status, be sure to give your happily dating friends a break. A lot of them are really tired of being asked the following questions: (1) “Are you getting engaged?” (2) “When are you two getting married?” (3) “Has he bought you a ring yet?” Or they will just skip the question and use my personal favorite, the infamous finger wiggle and smug smirk with the question implied. Inevitably, relationships go one of two ways: you break up or you get married. However, that does not mean that every couple is about to do one of these two things. If your friends are happy, let them be. If they have any news to share, you’re sure to be one of the first to know. But they’re probably getting pretty tired of everyone asking if they’re getting engaged. Especially for any of your senior friends, a lot of them are about to face the biggest transition of their lives to date and they want to see how that goes, without the added stress of worrying about a fiancé.
Whether you’re the proud recipient of a brand new sparkling diamond (three months salary right?) or surrounded by rings and engagement news, be sure to take some time to enjoy this moment in your life. College is amazing. Maybe you’ll find the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with or perhaps the perfect spouse is waiting somewhere else in your future. Regardless of your relationship status, enjoy the New Year and all the surprises and joys and it is sure to bring.