I recently saw a Facebook post floating around featuring a sweatshirt designed by Tyler Oakley that said, “do not ask me about: my grades, my job, if im dating anyone, how school is going, when i gradute” in simple black font, grammar mistakes included, with the caption “The perfect Thanksgiving day outfit.” [see it here]. The post had 1,808 shares, 34,878 likes, and over 200 comments. Now, do those questions ring an all-too familiar bell?
Now, before we throw nosy Aunt Suzy and Uncle Mike under the bus for their oh-so-predictable Thanksgiving questions, it’s important to at least acknowledge their effort. Sure, it may be kind of irritating explaining that no, you are not going to think about majoring in Biochemistry just because it’s a more “practical major than Creative Writing,” but at least they are making an effort to sort-of kind-of connect with you and keep up with your life, as much as seeing someone once a year will permit.
But, nevertheless, because we all know they’re coming, here are the top ten questions you know you are going to be asked and some, we’ll just call flavorful, responses that will avoid upsetting mom but also get the point across that the life-probing is not going to become a holiday routine. Note: brownie points if you can add a Jennifer Lawrence sassy chuckle before you answer.
1. How is everything going with you?
Answer: Everything is a pretty generic word, *sassy chuckle*, but school is going really well. I’m sure you remember how college was for you—really busy during the semester. I’m looking forward to the break and not having to think about graduation, getting a job and other stresses like that. (If said relative picks up on the subtle sass and backs the mmm off for the rest of the night, you’re welcome.)
2. What’s your major again?
Answer: Just tell them what you’re majoring in, don’t give them an explanation as to why and if they ask, well, because you like it and if you’re going to study something for four years, it might as well be something you like.
3. Is that really the most practical major/ wouldn’t you have more career options doing x?
Answer: Maybe, but in this day and age, careers are not nearly as traditional as they used to be and the money may be tight at times, but it’s what I like to do. I know I’ll be happy doing it and that’s enough for me.
4. When do you graduate?
Answer: As soon as I finish all my course requirements *sassy chuckle* but I’m planning for May/ December of 20xx.
5. Your mother/father told me you were planning to X,Y,Z after you graduate?
Answer: As of right now, that’s the plan but I’m sure as you know, plans can change. And besides, I still have to graduate first!
6. Are you dating?
Answer: Now, when the dating question comes up, it is important to pay attention to EXACTLY how the question was worded. If they ask how your significant other is, you have to respond with a nice answer—see question number 4. But if they simply ask are you dating, a quick “I’m just having fun with all of my friends,” will suffice.
7. How is that one guy you were dating?
Answer: Hold in the, “you mean that one frat guy I dated over six months ago?!” response and instead opt for the classic, “you know, we decided we are better as friends and the last I spoke to him he seemed fine.”
8. How are your grades?
Answer: You’re worse than my parents! *Sassy chuckle* But they’re fine, you know my parents would kill me if they weren’t.
9. Are you eating/ sleeping okay and/or exercising enough?
Answer: I know you are all reading this last question thinking no one has ever asked me about my health before, but mark my words, at some point in the night someone will make a reference.
10. How’s your roommate?
Answer: If you absolutely love your roommate, then you got this question covered, but if you don’t, listen carefully. It is only appropriate to whine and complain about her lack of cleanliness, her man child boyfriend that sleeps over every night, how she steals your clothes, etc. to your PARENTS! No one else. Just good ole’ mom and dad. Why? Because from now until the end of time you are going to get into little spats with people you live with and that just comes with growing up and learning to co-exist with someone. Now it’s a college roommate, pretty soon it’ll be a best friend in a tiny cramped apartment you two are desperately trying to afford, and then it’s a significant other. The point is, unless you get to the point in your life where you can afford to live alone (which believe me, comes with its own probing relative questions including do you feel safe, you don’t have friends you can live with, etc. ) you are always going to have roommate grievances. It’s a rite of passage and complaining about it just makes you seem high maintenance.
While it can be incredibly tempting to simply dismiss your relatives as nosy, and while you certainly never have to admit this to them, when you get a chance, reflect on where you are at with your life and if you are truly happy. If you’re not, well, there’s nothing like the New Year to make some changes!