It’s no secret that maintaining a long-term relationship is hard, but add distance into the picture, and it becomes ten times more difficult. Most people cringe at the thought of a long distance relationship (LDR), thinking that they are a pain to keep up with. In many cases, however, a LDR is necessary due to the fact of military duty, work, or the most common reason – college.
But does absence really make the heart grow fonder? Let’s say you fell in love with your high school sweetheart and decided to go separate ways for college. You want to maintain the relationship, but aren’t sure if it’s going to work. Like all relationships, there are an infinite number of things that play into the success of a LDR.
1. Be clear about your expectations up front
Expectations have the potential to make or break a relationship, especially expectations regarding its future. A relationship will more than likely fail if you don’t put everything on the table right away. One rule about expectations is to not set them too high. Don’t expect a letter daily, or a text message every five minutes. Also, be clear about your future. Don’t be afraid to talk about the future – if they don’t want to be with you in the future, what’s the point in keeping them around now?
2. Keep the faith
When setting your expectations, understand that you have to keep your part of the deal. Although the temptation will occur, especially in college, remember that cheating is absolutely not an option. If your feelings toward your significant other change, be up front about it and tell them. Remaining faithful, however, is not that difficult. Remember the things that makes your partner different from everyone else, and the reason that you fell in love with them in the first place.
3. Communication is key
This is tricky, especially because text messages and emails can be so easily misread nowadays. The best means of communication for a LDR is Skype and FaceTime. Have a scheduled time for video chatting, so that your schedules don’t get in the way of your communication. Also, a cute surprise handwritten letter or small unexpected gift goes a long way to make your partner feel appreciated!
4. Trust
Jealousy and insecurity will kill a relationship more quickly than anything, and every twinge of envy will be magnified in a LDR. Don’t be obsessive over his tweets or Facebook profile, just because he hasn’t responded to your last three texts in the past five minutes. If you have major trust issues, a LDR probably isn’t right for you.
5. Enjoy your independence
Contrary to popular belief, college is not just a time to party and hook up. College is a time to find yourself and to learn who you are truly growing up to become. Give yourself enough “you time” and enjoy your independence. Grab a New York Bestseller and sit in a quaint little coffee shop to enjoy your time alone. Think of it as getting to know yourself, rather than being lonely.
Despite all of the negative factors of a LDR, there are also a few major benefits. Some of these include time to yourself, learning good communication skills by listening, and the pleasure of seeing them after having not seen them for so long. One of the best overall benefits of long distance dating is that you learn your true feelings for your partner. You begin to realize that they are willing to be committed to you even when you are not near them, which is a huge deal, especially for a relationship that you are trying to make long-term.
So whether your boyfriend is enrolled in college halfway across the country or has recently decided to join the military, don’t fret. The time apart may make your relationship stronger than ever!