When I came to college, I had a certain expectation about dating. I imagined something similar to high school: the predictable cycle of people getting into relationships around October and November until April or May when the breakups begin for all but the lucky few who managed to form a more meaningful, long term connection. I was wrong. Instead, it appears to have been replaced by this dynamic of extremes composed of 1. people who are single and very ready to mingle or 2. the “Kenyon Married.” It’s as if there are no other options, even though I know I, for one, am in a grey area of introverted singledom.
I wouldn’t say this spectrum is exclusive to Kenyon. There is something though – I wouldn’t call it pressure – that seems to convince people they should be hooking up or in a relationship. With such a small campus and student body, this feeling is only amplified. There is something strange within this system. Not many people in relationships go on actual dates.
Going on a date takes creativity. It means going out of your way to make a moment special. I mean, it’s not like there is a wide array of Gambier venues for a potential couple to explore. Assuming you do like this person you have asked out, why does college make some lazier when it comes to putting aside time and effort for a date?
With the internet at our disposal, we can find inspiration in a variety of places. Yet, most couples I know of (mainly my roommate and her boyfriend) spend time together watching movies, studying, or just relaxing. To me, that sounds more than fine. Who doesn’t want a cuddle buddy for Sunday movie nights? Or someone to eat meals with in Peirce?
I admit that there is something appealing to having just that: hanging out, playing video games, watching television, relaxing. It’s what I do with my friends and theoretically, a significant other is just a closer friend you happen to kiss every once in a while. This is a generalization, but the idea behind students in relationships just hanging out together may in fact serve as a break, give us something non-Kenyon, and something to focus on other than school. We all need to stop working at some point, whether that’s to peruse tumblr, talk to a friend down the hall, or make some tea. While a relationship is something else to manage amongst other responsibilities, it can be wonderful. Plain and simple.
When you’re hanging out with your friends, conversation so often circles to “Are you interested in anyone?”A simple yes and they want every detail. If you say no to the inquiry, you’re comforted with “It’s okay. Someone will catch your eye. There are so many people here you still don’t know” and similar statements.
It is okay. Not everyone wants (or needs) to be consoled about their relationship status. It’s difficult enough to adjust into a new year at Kenyon, whether you’re a freshman or not, without the added worries of looking for potential relationships or hookups. Yet, there’s still the assumption that you aren’t happy without someone else.
As we’ve learned from Ted Mosby in the past eight seasons of How I Met Your Mother, actively looking for The One does not actually help you discover that person any faster. Searching for that next potential boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t always the most productive way to find them.
So, yes, the dating scene as a whole is not what I was anticipating, and while relationships can be fantastic and I understand wanting to find one, I’d prefer to be surprised by someone than be obsessively searching for a partner.