When it comes to sex, everybody’s a little different. Some girls like their sex as vanilla as it can be. No experimentation or frills – just straight up missionary position. Then there are others, of course, who like their sex a little more… interesting. Think bondage, role play, food; even the more adventurous thrills of playing with the dominant/submissive dynamic. However, whatever kinky habits that appeal most to a girl, many experience a similar problem: telling their significant other. So here’s my guide to telling your boyfriend that you’re kinky.
Rather than simply breaking out the handcuffs and riding crop right off the bat, you might want to start this conversation after you’ve gotten to know each other in the bedroom a few times. Some guys may be inexperienced, shy, or just not into some of the wilder things mentioned above. Others might have a bit more imagination in the bedroom – every guy is different. Since both parties are trying to figure each other out in the beginning, just see how it goes the first few times and then move on to the next step.
Okay, so you’ve become familiar with each other and you have a pretty good idea of how kinky your boyfriend is. The next step is to tell him about your kinky side. No, not by tying him up just yet – that comes later. What you want to do is sit down with your guy and start by just suggesting some ideas. Say things like, “Would you be open to doing ______ ?” or “I think it would be really hot if you _________. What do you think?” This way, you’re testing the water a little bit before making the dive. You can find out what your guy thinks about a particular sexual act without backing him into a corner.
So let’s say your guy is really into what you’re talking about. He likes the idea of handcuffs or role play and wants to incorporate it in the bedroom. If this is the case, then you have a pretty good thing going! Not only is your guy willing to cater to your kinky desires, he may also give you some new ideas you had never thought of. It’s a win-win for both of you. So break out the whipped cream or blindfolds and have some fun!
Now let’s explore the opposite condition. Suppose your guy doesn’t seem to be interested or appears hesitant at the idea of getting kinky. If this happens, you want to try and find a compromise. There is often a middle ground to be found! Then try it in the bedroom and see what happens with the understanding that either one of you can stop at any time for any reason. From here, the two of you can find a place in which you are both comfortable.
If you happen to get into a situation in which your guy is just not into being kinky, you really need to decide whether this is a deal breaker for you or not. If you can enjoy vanilla sex, agree to have vanilla sex. We all know that there is no problem with this! Also make sure you acknowledge that he did try for you and show him you appreciate him getting out of his comfort zone. If it is a deal breaker and you just can’t get off unless you’re tied up and blindfolded, you need to be honest with him. It’s better to be honest than to sacrifice a crucial part of your relationship.
There you have it. Now go let your freak flag fly and embrace your kinky desires because, as Freud said, “The only thing abnormal about sex is not having it.”
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