How to Make Friends

So far I’ve been more or less enjoying college. My friends are fun to be with and my classes aren’t complete disasters. It’s not everything I ever hoped for, but I certainly wouldn’t think of leaving. And until last night, I thought that was how most of the freshmen here felt. Then, while sitting at the security desk doing nothing, I somehow got to talking with a girl I’d never met before. She told me she was considering transferring to different school. The problem? She didn’t think she fit in. She didn’t feel like she had any friends here. Everything else was fine, it was lonesomeness that was getting to her. 

“Give it until the end of year,” a girl who’d overheard said dismissively. “You never make good friends until at least second semester anyway.”

Obviously that wasn’t much help. And to be honest, I wasn’t much help either. At the time, I couldn’t think of much to say to the girl. I invited her to lunch the next day and told her things would get better, but I couldn’t really give her any advice. Since then, however, I’ve thought about – and asked a few people – and came up with a few things that might help you make friends, or help you get over the feeling that you don’t have any.

1. Realize you’re not the only person feeling like this. 

Seriously, you’re not.

2. Socialize, if only in little ways.

That girl sitting alone in the cafeteria? Go ask if you can eat with her. Say yes if someone wants to sit with you. Leave your door open. Tell someone you like their shirt. I know these all sound very “high school”, and honestly too cliche to work, but they do. At least, they did for me.

3. Get out more.

This doesn’t mean you have to start partying. It just means you have to get out of your room. Join a club or a sport. Go to a concert or play. Do something that isn’t class and doesn’t involve you sitting in your room all day. If it interests you, chances are the people you meet there will be interesting, too.

4. Realize you might not keep all the friends you make.

There are a lot of easy ways to make friends, but because they’re easy they might not always have the best results. Sometimes a common interests is enough to form a friendship but not sustain it. Sometimes that girl you all but fell in love with during welcome week will become unrecognizable by the end of the year. This isn’t the end of the world. Chances are that if they stop being friends with you, it’s for the best. And you’ve got years to find friends you’ll keep.

5. Get support.

If you’re still feeling alone, and you can’t find support from your peers, there is the counseling center, and there’s nothing wrong with going to see them. They might not be able to directly help your social life (or you academic life for that matter), but they can help you calm down, and talk with you to see if maybe this college wasn’t right for you after all, then help you figure out transferring.

6. Realize there’s nothing wrong with you.

You’re not a failure if you don’t fit in. Just because one place isn’t right for you doesn’t mean another can’t be perfect.

Hopefully that was at least a little help. Whatever you decide to do with your college years, make sure it’s what makes you happy.