As our favorite African bee queen, Cady Heron, once said: “Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”
The line between slutty and sexy is dramatically blurred during the last weeks of October. Sexing up our dress up is engrained in the college culture of Halloween. We crowd in sticky basements full of eye patches and broomsticks, noting the subtle differences in our costumes: this sexy pirate wore a mini skirt, and this one, booty shorts. That sexy witch wore a backless dress, while this one wore a cape, and, well, her bra.
And this, right here, is my problem. Being sexy on Halloween is not confined to being a witch or a pirate or a cat or a mouse or a bunny or a cheetah, or any other animal or unrealistic profession. We go to a university stuffed with such innovative thinkers, so let’s take some of that imagination from our mid term essays, and refocus it into the most photographed, erm, creative holiday of the year. If you’re looking for an original idea for a sexy Halloween costume, feel free to borrow any from this list.
Sexy Lunch Lady
Think sexy French maid, but with a hairnet and a mole. When you go out, pass out mystery meat… or candy.
Sexy Drunk Grandma
Hitch that nightgown up to your thighs, slap on some orange lipstick, tease a wig into an Afro, and shove Kleenex in your bra. At the party, bust out your moves on the dance floor, and every time the bass drops, pull out a tissue, or twirl your wig around. Make sure you wear a bald cap underneath.
Sexy Yeti
Glue fur to your skin. That’s all.
Sexy Confederate Soldier
Wrap a confederate flag around your body, and tie it like a tube-top dress. Carry around a rifle (toy, not real) and try to battle anyone going with the America theme this year.
Sexy George W. Bush (or other president)
All you need here is a skirt suit, some hair gel and a nametag to let everyone know which US president you’re dressing as tonight.
Sexy Leif Erikson (this only works if you have long hair)
Braid your hair in front of your face, underneath your chin so it looks like a beard. Pair it with your original slutty-bunny lingerie and hit the town.
What’s better than being sexy? Sexy and original. And if all else fails, you can always just write “sexy” on a white t-shirt and say you’re owning it.